Sunday, June 20, 2010
And that somehow seems appropriate.
Today I miss you like the world misses the sun.
I still pick up the phone to call you,
To share an epiphany or something mundane
But in a moment, I painfully realize you're gone.
With you life was so stormy
But we always shared a love for a good storm.
I remember how much you loved the intensity of lightening
and smiled as the thunder rolled.
In the beginning, you took my hand.
You always could calm the frightened child in me.
In the end I was at your side...feeling helpless,
Praying I could be that strong for you.
Like the sun in the summer you brightened my day
And like the night your depths were endless.
I miss the talks we had about life and beyond.
I wish I could see you one more time.
The pain in my heart just doesn't seem to end.
If I could have had just one more day,
I would have told you your life wasn't as pointless as you thought...
Your life touched so many others...and touched mine the deepest.
I love you more than anything still.
This one is a tribute to my dad. I miss him. I love him. Happy Father's day Dad!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
How many times have you said this, “I’d be so happy if he’d just …or she’d just…or they’d stop…or they’d do…?” Do you realize such thoughts are seeking to control people and your environment? Do you know how much that actually sets up a high and unachievable expectation in your life? It does. Whenever your happiness depends on others, you’ve already set your expectations way too high. Why? Well, you cannot control other people and if your happiness is set up always on the premise that if other people do what you want and need them to do, you will often be hugely disappointed.
The place you really want to get to is that place where your happiness is firmly affixed in your own reigns…in your own hands. Other people cannot make you happy…only you make you happy and you do so by your thoughts. Conversely, other people cannot make you unhappy…only you make you unhappy and you do so by your thoughts. Your thoughts are so amazingly powerful and they can trigger a whole host of emotions that seem like they are out of control. But, they are not. Our emotions are not involuntary (okay, tiny exception here for empaths but even empaths eventually learn that they can shut down the emotional charges they are taking on from other people and ground themselves).
I’ve written and said this so many times, “The only power you have to control anything in this world is the power you hold to control your own thoughts and subsequent emotions.” I have succumbed to depression a time or too in my life. For me, I cannot subscribe to the thought that I am at the mercy of my body’s chemicals, that I am imbalanced and have no control over depression. I absolutely have control over my depression. Even if it is caused by my own hormones (yes it sucks sometimes in the forties when your body’s hormones try to take on a mind of their own) but you are not at the mercy of your body either. I’ve met some incredibly challenged individuals who should be suicidal with what life has seemingly strapped them with…but they aren’t. They are functioning and highly so because of one thing…their thoughts! No matter what happens, they keep hope alive…they use faith, positive thinking, helping others, sharing their experiences. These things give them so much joy and happiness that even when the hard things in life descend upon them, their pity parties are very short lived. And, know this, sometimes the pity party is necessary but it does not need to be a long protracted event unless you allow yourself to perpetuate those kinds of thoughts.
If you want to be empowered truly and also want to feel like a master of control in your own life—do this, forget about the outside world and other people for a moment and reign in your own thoughts. You create them. The do not descend upon you at random. You get to control them and control your reaction to them. So, focus on controlling your thoughts. Disconnect the assumptions you make in your own mind about what people should or shouldn’t do and focus on what you allow yourself to think. You are the master of your own mind. You think the thoughts inside your head. When the thoughts get too negative, shift to an observer position (Read Eckhart Tolle the Power of Now….great book that in one part really describes well, the observer position) and just notice the thoughts floating through your mind. In fact, that is a really great idea…take a moment and do nothing but notice your thoughts…notice that you can notice your thoughts…notice the frantic pace…notice the assumptions from factual thoughts…notice the emotion you tie to your thoughts—especially the assumptions. You are not your thoughts and you are not your emotions. You can pull out and observe at any time you want and with some practice a few times a week even, you can begin to notice thoughts before you react to them and you can cut off negative and controlling thoughts before you allow your emotions to line up with them.
It might sound hard but I tell you it isn’t. It just takes some practice and practice is worth your time if you can short-circuit the need to control or manipulate others for happiness. You hear all the time that all we ever need in life comes from within us. Form a spiritual perspective, we are always connected to the Source and that Source can fill you up when you’re low –you don’t need to pursue anything from the outside world to fill you up. This is true. When you feel the need to manipulate or control others for your own happiness—stop, it’s not right and it’s a little recognized form of addiction. Sadly, it’s a very self-destructive for of addiction emotionally speaking. So, do yourself, family and friends a favor—realize this – As I said, you are the master of your mind and thoughts…you are the master of your own happiness. You do not need others to make you happy and when you feel you do, that is life, the universe, the spirit or your higher purpose telling you that you need to spend some time on you and your thoughts and navigating through a greater path of happiness on your own.
Happiness is a choice you make. It’s not something you have or don’t. When you are in a happy space that you have achieved on your own without manipulating or controlling others to get it, you create this huge wave of positive energy around you. That positive energy around you will be like a huge unseen universal magnet that will draw to you more happy events, situation and people that will augment what is already there! It’s a really good feeling. It doesn’t mean you should avoid feeling bad because that happens too. Just monitor your thoughts when you’re feeling bad and I bet with some effort you can navigate your way back to neutral pretty quickly. It isn’t hard…it just takes intent and effort to get you there. Add to your arsenal of happy bringing weapons…things you love or like to do and then go do those things alone or with others who are game. So much of our existence and experience is based on our thoughts and our perspectives. Other people do not like to be controlled and it is rather insulting to be on the receiving end of someone trying to control you for their own happiness. Really – and being a part of that really creates some negative energy. So, control what you can—don’t attempt to control what you can’t and really strive to understand the difference. Many blessings to you—think happy thoughts!
My first experience with a Spiritual call came some years ago in the early 90’s. 1993 was a rough year. My dad past away and I was dealing with the memories of a dear friend’s 14 mo baby girl’s death on the very same day. Devastating year! Work was stressful and I was still learning how to be a mom. So, things started changing to the point that the Universe began to untangle the ties holding me to where I was physically located and everything in me was pulling me away from my home. I was afraid and sad to go but the pull was strong. When the opportunity made itself clear and the fork in the road was presented, I chose the calling not even knowing what I was in for or why. I moved across country (2800 miles from home) to a new place and I did my best to function. An opportunity arose to help a sweet soul from a terrible situation and that took some time. It took a year there for the real reason I was called across country to present itself. Two wonderful things occurred but the moment they did and things were back on track, Spirit called again and pulled me right back home. It wasn’t a pleasant experience emotionally speaking but as I look back now, I can see it for the truly beautiful lesson it was.
So, that was a long time ago and Spirit has blessed me many times and in ways I cannot even describe here. I’ll just say that often I have seen the hand of Spirit moving in my life, making us safe, protecting us and leading us to other opportunities to help, facilitate healing and even foster my own deep healing. This comes to mind for me this morning because the calling struck me again just this week. That feeling is unmistakable. It’s as if the Universe quietly steps into your life and asks you “Are you ready to go? There is more work to do?” So, I have answered as I always do, “Yes, I will go where you need me to go and do what you need me to do.” This time though I asked where Spirit was guiding me and I was shown. “Very interesting,” I will say. I will be watchful for the “untangling” aspect appearing in my life again and will be praying it is not as hard and difficult as it was in times past but go, I will.
The thing about being a light worker is that we don’t always get to choose what we do. Sometimes we are called to do things. We can choose whether or not to answer the call because there is free will. The thing that strikes me though is that I have been given so many beautiful blessings in this life and I know that at some point soon, I will be able to stop and to rest but for now, I want to answer the call. I want to go and do whatever it is that Spirit is calling me to do. Interestingly enough, Spirit seems to be telling me that I’ve got 3 more of these “space changing” calls to go and then I will be allowed to settle down, build the life I want to build and work on a different sort of healing/calling. I’m excited to be of service, I’m a little nervous about the changes I know are coming but the one thing I’m sure of—we will be taken care of always. Spirit guides and protects all of us as we journey in this life. Nothing beats that feeling of being able to offer service to someone in need, to pick up and go on a new adventure because even though you may be going to someone else who specifically needs the help only you can offer, you gain so much growth, so much experience and begin to peer deeper into the true meaning of life – love! I cannot tell you what a blessing it is. My intent in writing this piece this morning was to share with the other light workers out there a confirmation of Spirit in action and that I’ve also been told many more of you are getting some calls to change location and to not be afraid. You have the power to chose and if you answer the calls, you will be rewarded in some way that only you will come to understand. Even if you choose not to go where you are called, Spirit will understand and will send folks to you to help in another way. The message coming through so strongly this morning is that the Network of Light needs to maintain hope…it needs to continue to build light, foster love and continue healing works in these most difficult of times. When you’ve received a calling in this world, its so hard. We have to exist like everyone else does. We have to continue to move among society like everyone else does. But, we do not look at the world and its material objects and superficial situations like everyone else does. We see the hand of Spirit moving in our lives and the lives of others and we adjust ourselves accordingly for no other reason than to help others around us.
Answering callings and being a light worker is hard sometimes. For most people reading this post the thoughts of “Wow, nutty chick posting here” will abound rampant but that’s okay. For the others who also are light workers, they will read this and they’ll know where I’m coming from because they are on the same path and they’ve experienced the same things and they will consider the message as a confirmation of purpose, a confirmation of hope and a confirmation of love for them. So, I dedicate this post to all of you light workers out there. Keep doing the beautiful work that you so willingly do. Spirit seems to be calling more and more these days and its not our place to discern why but to act in accordance with the laws of love, healing and trust. May you all walk proudly on your journeys-- uplifted by love and joy. We’re on this road together! Peace and many blessings to all of you.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
We all have walls we’ve built around our hearts. We built these walls for protection from all the people in the world who have let us down, rejected and hurt us. And, within those walls lies a veil that separates the true “us” from the world. We let certain people in from time to time like our children, pets or parents but if someone else gets close, those walls can seem to be spring-loaded popping into action in a split second if someone gets close enough that we have to decide to trust or that we may want to let in. I’ll let you in on a little secret, I grew up in life with not one but two alcoholic parents, and I had to learn very quickly that you not only need to build those walls but you must permanently live inside of them never letting anyone in for any reason. It’s a defense mechanism. It was a matter of emotional survival while I was young. However, holding on to those walls needed for protection as a child while you are a full grown adult can lead to nothing but a long line of failed relationships or empty ones.
Please understand that I love my parents very much. I always have, but they did the only things they knew how to do and did not force me to create these defense mechanisms I carried with me into adulthood. Yes, they were the cause of the root of my relationship problems but it is only me that decided whether to keep the impenetrable walls in place keeping everyone on the outside, trusting no one. It’s a very lonely existence pretending to be so strong that nothing hurts you. It’s a painful existence never allowing anyone in close enough to trust them. I went for years this way without a clue as to what was destroying every relationship I held—friendships, marriages and other relationships. That is until someone suggested that the disease referred to as alcoholism did not just affect my parents. It affected me too. Although they were alcoholics, I had become sick as a result of growing up in an alcoholic home. This beautiful soul turned a light on in a very dark tunnel and showed me a path that lead to the rooms of Al-Anon. In those rooms, I learned about the disease that affected my family and ultimately took my father’s life. I learned about choices, defenses and what it is like to develop healthy coping mechanisms while letting go of those that kept me unhealthy. I began to see the world as this bright, beautiful and amazing place instead of a scary world filled with untrustworthy inhabitants.
Through the program I learned how my own sickness developed into what they termed “co-dependency.” To me, co-dependency is just an umbrella term that is used to describe a host of behaviors employed by individuals to emotionally survive the unpredictability of alcoholism (but this can also be applied to aggressive parental figures, emotionally abusive or just abusive parental figures). We should be proud that we somehow developed these coping mechanisms, whatever they have come to be. They helped us to survive in a tough space growing up. But, as adults, we really no longer need to go so far into ourselves that the light of day—the light of love truly cannot penetrate the walls we built. I will tell you that working through the program and understanding the reasons for my own behavior lead me to a place in my own impenetrable seeming walls where I found a crack. When I found the crack, I began to pick it apart and disassemble the walls. My relationships changed at this point. I began to choose differently, I was able to set boundaries and I began to learn what unconditional love was and wasn’t. It was an amazing journey and that journey continues today and will for the rest of my life.
For the most part, I live completely outside the walls. My relationships are richer, more meaningful and for the first time ever, I can tell you not only what it feels like to love unconditionally but I can tell you what it feels like to receive unconditional love. I would never have known these things had I not taken those first few scary steps outside of the walls. I realize now those walls were nothing but a self-imposed prison. I imprisoned myself while trying to protect myself and now I see how that is just no way to live. When you love with all of your heart without condition, you leave people free to love you for who you are and it becomes easier to separate those in your life who really love you versus those who really just want or need something from you. You begin to love and trust yourself more as well with each step you take. Some folks fear that a broken heart is literally the end of the world and that fear keeps them from loving with all of their hearts unconditionally. I was one of those but I’m so pleased to tell you that I have been reformed. I’ve seen the light on the other side of the walls and I will never go back. Even if I risk pain. I do not fear pain. Pain is a process. If you feel pain, you are alive and breathing and your heart is open somewhere. Going to that place and applying as much self-love as you can is the key that unlocks the door towards healing. Sometimes the fear of potential pain keeps us from love. It’s fear and only fear that keeps us from loving and being loved. How silly is that? The only thing we have to fear is fear and the funny thing, love is the answer—love is the antidote—love is the cure for fear.
Through other works such as A Course in Miracles, I learned that fear and love cannot exist in the same space. Where I think I am in a loving state but I am feeling fear, I now know that love is not present. When I am feeling fear, I do my best to climb right smack into the middle of it, feel it, embrace it and then love myself enough to make that fear go away. I do not depend on the outside world to give me that because I know that ultimately such actions will lead me right back inside the walls I worked so hard to tear down. I know that no matter how I feel at any given time, I have choices to make and that I truly have all I need to make myself feel okay in any situation. A simple walk in nature and seeing beauty is a great way to restore a sense of love, appreciation and self-loving thoughts. I’m not sure how that works but I know that it does. My thoughts written this morning are really intended to open the eyes of those who keep themselves from loving and being loved. Everyone needs love from the time of birth. Maybe some didn’t get it while young, maybe some feel unworthy to have it in their lives. But, I tell you, no matter how tough you think you are or need to be—you need love. So, start by giving it to yourself—start by being loving towards something or someone. Do it for no other reason than just the sheer joy it will bring you and no matter what, do not fear pain. Pain can sometimes stem from a fearful ego that remembers abandonment. But, YOU, do not ever have to abandon you. No matter what lead you to an unloving space within, YOU have the power to bring true unconditional love back into your life. YOU have all the tools you will ever need to venture outside the walls, to tear them apart if you want to and decide to trust yourself enough to trust the right people. More food for thought.
I wish for you all today much love from the inside and out. I pray that you find a healing space for all of the wounded places in your heart. I wish for you the pure joy of finding some place in your life where you can give and also receive unconditional love.
If you enjoyed reading this post, you might also like my books. I'd be honored if you'd visit my author spotlight at: http://www.jaiehart.com. Blessings.
If you enjoyed reading this post, you might also like my books. I'd be honored if you'd visit my author spotlight at: http://www.jaiehart.com. Blessings.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
You can't put such people in their place because any attempt to address their development of drama out of what you view as nothing feeds right into the building of yet another dramatic situation. It creates yet another conflict to keep the turmoil burning in their minds and hearts. Oh, we'd be justified to put them in their place and to fight back but the reality is, it really isn't right to feed their addiction any more than it would be right to hand an alcoholic a bottle of vodka or a crack addict, one more rock to burn. It's not right! So, if you have a drama king or queen in your life, realize that its not your job to fix them, put them in their place or set them right. It's your job to get through the encounter without doing more harm; without feeding their addiction further. How do you do that? Don't give them anything to sink their teeth into. Disengage your own ego and know that no matter how hard your buttons are pushed, you have the power of choice--you have power over how you will use your words and you have power over your own thoughts. Use each of these powers wisely in a way that does not create more harm.
It's unpleasant at best to deal with a drama queen or king. They've set up their lives to be an aggressor or a victim just to manipulate people or get people to lash out at them. With their focus so engaged on others, taking the inventory of other people, they cannot and will not see their own hand in their own creation of the drama around them so really, there is no point in fighting back. It would be a waste of your energy. If you want to do anything at all, speak from the heart instead of seeking to get even. If they say something that hurts your feelings, say "you hurt my feelings." Then, let it go realizing you are not likely to change them. The only person you can change is you...the only thing you can change is how you react to the drama queen or king!
I have learned that in my life, the drama kings and queens have their own lessons in life to learn and I do not desire to be part of their drama--so, I do not engage. I might listen if I have the time but I know that just like an addict, they will say or do anything for their next fix. So, I don't waste a lot of time trying to fix them. I keep my focus on my own life, my own thoughts and I keep control of my tongue. If I fear I'm beginning to lose control and I can't move my buttons far enough to keep them out of reach of the drama king or queen, I leave--get away, refuse to return--whatever it takes. I have the right to live my life in peace without fixing or becoming a part of everyone else's drama. I have the right to stay centered, grounded and seek to maintain my own serenity. If I let people knock me off my center by engaging in the drama of others, I find I become so very drained. I don't like how that feels. So, I just don't allow it. I pray hard sometimes asking my Maker to help the drama-addicted to find peace and comfort, preferably far outside of my realm of existence.
I view things in terms of worthy and unworthy battles. Helping someone honestly willing to see things differently--well, that's a worthy battle. Engaging in battle with someone to get even or restore my own ego after an insult is really an unworthy battle and I know if I engage, I will feel really bad about me. Feeling bad about me does not help me so I just disengage. It's not up to me to convince someone insulting me that they are wrong. I might state that they misunderstand and that I feel they have judged me wrongly but I won't fight to be right on that point. It's not my job to change people's minds. It's my job to live my life by doing the right thing by me and to me. The right thing for me is to not waste my energy convincing those souls out there that they should like me, accept me and not insult me. That just isn't my job. People are entitled to their opinions and I just refuse to fight with people seeking drama for a quick high.
Something to remember, drama kings and queens are very judgmental. They know your every flaw. Do you want to know how they see it so well? Well, it's because they too are flawed and it's much easier for them to point out your weaknesses and flaws than to deal with their own. Remember that anyone who judges you without first walking a mile in your shoes cannot possibly bring any truth to bear on who you really are as a person. So, in those instances where judgment comes across, see it for what it is and let it slide right off your back. If you think there is a shred of truth to what is being said, it's up to you to do something about that but do it for you...not for the drama king or queen.
The drama kings and queens of the world will continue to stir up chaos and turmoil to get their daily fix until they tire of it and decide to pull their energy within and heal. You can't force them to do that work but you can choose not to participate whenever their addiction to creating drama hurts you. You have the right to withdraw and keep yourself surrounded by peaceful thoughts and people. You do not have to subject yourself to any souls you do not wish to subject yourself to. The ones you keep your distance from may fight to keep you right where you are and only you can decide if you can love them unconditionally up close and not be affected by their drama or if you must do so from a safe distance. You can decide to hear their tales of woe and not get involved by putting the ownership back on those people. That's different than insulting them back or putting them in their place.
I'm going to be very peaceful today and filled with gratitude that my life is full now of so many loving a peaceful individuals. Had I not taken the time to want that in my life, my life would still be filled with drama kings and queens driving me mad! But the people and things you hold to you in this life are a choice you make. Think positive in your interactions, pray for healing for those people, pray for strength for you and be grateful for the serene moments you do have and you will draw more of that to you.
(c) 2010 (both photo and words)