Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
It’s cold in here
I wish I had one ray of sunlight
If I think really hard
I can remember rainbows
I reach out into the dark
I come back empty minded
Wishing for something to hold onto
But there is nothing and no one here
This night will be long
Dreamless fitful sleep
Tomorrow maybe the confusion will end
I’ll find that ray of sunlight I’ve been searching for
Or better yet
I’ll hear the tune of a mocking bird
That would be perfect
Or butterflies in flight
And I’ll remember these worries mean nothing at all
In the larger scheme of things
This moment will be a heartbeat and gone
And the next will come, my cells a second older
And maybe I won’t care as much as I do right now
Because I’ll find the love within is enough
Thursday, April 23, 2009
What dreams may come…
To those who ask for them…
Who hold them in their hearts,
Without any fear.
What love can be felt…
For those who give it,
And seek always and ever…
For nothing in return.
What peace can be had…
By those willing to allow themselves…
To let go of the anxiety and pain,
And self-limiting thoughts.
What beauty can be experienced…
By those who are willing,
To walk in the light…
With their hearts and eyes wide open.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I don’t care for silence much and stillness makes me anxious.
I guess it’s because when everything stops, those fears and worries…
That lurk inside my heart and soul come springing to life for me to look at.
I don’t like to see these things and I care even less about feeling those things…
But they sit there like a silent hum in the background until it’s quiet,
And then I feel like I’m falling from the center of my soul, I hate it so much.
I’ve done a lot of things wrong in my life but I did the best I could with what I knew At any given moment in my life. When the delusion and denial slipped away I saw
Where I went wrong and I knew where I would go right eventually.
I don’t like being beaten over the head when I’m trying to right things.
So, why do I beat myself so emotionally at times like these?
I don’t understand and I really desire to stop.
“I’m good enough and I have a right to be here,” I think logically.
So, why is it somewhere my heart doesn’t feel that?
Why do I see the negative reflected back at me first inside?
Outside I’m smiling not wanting to trouble anyone…
Feeling that if I did reach out, I’d be met with silence and when I do reach out, often there IS silence.
I understand the source of the issue, its ancient history as far as I'm concerned.
Maybe old habits just die very hard or maybe I've just not done enough introspection
Given myself enough understanding or even allowed myself to fail.
Maybe I should learn to embrace the silence, love the silence and the resulting hum that gnaws at my consciousness...Maybe I should learn what it really means to love me.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Days of sun and laughter,
Nights of darkness and tears,
But through it all...
I still find life amazing.
Simple much of the time...
Complex and intricate at others,
A constant and continuous
Juxtaposition or maybe dichotomy.
Sometimes I feel quick like lightning,
Powerful like thunder,
Delicate like a butterfly's wings,
Strong and yet flexible like a tree moving in a strong breeze.
No matter what I face,
These emotions hum constantly in the background...
From worries and fears...
But yet hopes and dreams are there too.
When life gets too hard,
I break a little and I might falter,
But always I seem to right myself,
And continue the journey.
"Nothing stays the same"
Used to be a statement that scared me.
But now that I've grown older and maybe a little wiser,
I appreciate that statement for the blessing it really is.