Sometimes I feel like I've squandered precious moments I can never get back but then I realize there was nothing to save those moments up for. I don't mean for that to sound negative because that isn't my intent, nor is it what I'm feeling. I think I've finally come to realize the precious sense of everything in everything. All of my moments strung together lead me to now in this warm comfort within my own skin. It's early evening after a long seeming day that seemed to follow a week that took an eternity. Time has momentarily slowed and I find that interesting because the moments since 1/1/11 have spun by me so quickly I don't really even recall all that much time to catch my breath. I exaggerate, certainly, but you get the feeling maybe. I wonder about all of those things I held as important on that very day. Such wonder had I concerning infinite possibilities and so many unknowns. I held different plans and dreams than I hold today. I've destroyed them, set fire to them, ignored them, hid them, walked away from them only to start over again and again and again like some strange sort of ground-hog day. The monotony of routine seems to set my being on edge sometimes but at the same time, I could not be more grateful for dull, boring and unexciting, non-adrenaline producing existence. I'm actually quite amazed at the abundance of adrenaline I have produced in my life time. I think I have finally effectively kicked that habit among many others that no longer suit and support me. Do I have more to go? Oh, sure I do and I look forward to thinking and feeling my way through each one in order to let go of all that troubles me and embrace more completely what it is I have come to know really matters.
We're not alone here, not even in our own minds it sometimes seems. We're surrounded always physically as well as ethereally. A single thought from miles away can come crashing through an ordinary moment and leave you with a feeling you didn't have only moments before. We think our paths are set in stone but that's only because we can see only just to the point of our horizon. After that, we can't yet see but we can feel when we want to. I like to sit back, relax and see what comes next. Oh, I wonder about it often just like everyone else does but I don't tend to put too much energy into fruitless endeavors these days. I need my senses, my energy and my being in full capacity of all of my faculties. I don't know why just yet but imagine this feeling will bear out in some new interesting journey of love, lessons and greater understanding of this life and my place in it. It's Friday night and I'm sitting in my living room, with the fan on to cool off this sweltering heat and I'm watching the sun set in a summer sky. A glass of red in hand, music in the background and words in front of me. Hmmm, never thought this would be the highlight of my week...but it is and I'm so grateful, you have no idea how grateful. So, well, enough rambling then and I shall be off to finding some sustenance. This morning's oatmeal lost its ability to sustain me hours ago and I think the stress of the day has finally settled enough to allow me to eat with peace in my being (so much more important than you may realize). Simple pleasures are often the most amazing sometimes. Especially, if you take a moment fully present and thoroughly enjoy every precious second. ~Blessings of peace, love and light dear souls.
(c) Jaie Hart (words/photo)