Wednesday, April 11, 2012
The sun has nestled into the dusk and its rays begin to rest in earnest. I’m tired after having faced the day. I woke before the sun again; third day in a row. I’m not sure why really but then again, there is always so much on my mind. It’s hard to be part of this work-a-day world even though I’m really grateful for what it affords me. I think, at times, I’d like to follow the sun and see just where it’d take me. It’s funny to me, the ways of this world. So much to do about nothing, where drama broils and consumes the populace not realizing the distraction it is from the truth. Its hard not to get caught up, believe me I so understand.
These past many months have escaped like minutes in a fast moving stream. I resent it on one hand, reminding me always of the things I must do when all my consciousness wants to do is escape to elsewhere and have time stop the moment I arrive. I live in so many worlds that its hard to describe any one just now but my heart is deeply entrenched in each one I exist in. I wish sometimes for pure simplicity where conflict is something you pick up only if you choose to, not like here where it demands and commands your attention continually, especially when you feel you are at your worst or social ostracizing may likely ensue. I think I’ve come to the point that I’m not sure I care that much anymore. I truly understand in this moment the old axiom, “Silence is Golden.”
The truth of the matter is we need each other to make it through this world. However, how much are we truly willing to pay for acceptance or peace maybe? We lock ourselves in some interesting social prisons sometimes…but that is our nature for myriad reasons. It’s okay, we are only human after all right? I’m sorry but complacency is just not good enough for me any longer. If I am not seeking, reaching and understanding something, I am one very unhappy camper. Life is a great mystery with so much to explore that I just do not wish to waste my time any more on things and situations that once seemed to entice me. I might sound a bit morose but truly I’m not. I’m floating in this delicious and peaceful emotional space filled with nothing but diffused light that follows the sun down the horizon and fills my vision with new perspectives.
There are people I love so much more than life and I love life so very much. I love what it is, what it does and how it grows and expands ever outward. Everything grows and expands unless you hide under a rock for most of your life. Not that I judge rock dwellers as bad by any stretch, on the contrary – I love them too. Each being in existence here has an amazing capacity for emanating love and light, hard truths and so many other things. It exhausts me to feel the expanse of that thought in this moment but that doesn’t mean I do not appreciate ability to let them expand. Just not tonight. It's time to pull the energy in so I can use it to reach within deeper. It's true what they say, that the answers are within us. It is answers that I seek on so many fronts...time is not my friend yet again. I ramble now, which sometimes I do. I think I’m just so happy to be able to write again. My voice has been disconnected from my heart for quite some time and that is deadly for someone who loves to write. But all good things return in one way or another. It is a very beautiful thing. May the night find you peaceful and love find you open and willing to feel. ~Blessings dear souls, I'm finally off to reach elsewhere - sweetest of dreams.
(c) 2012, Jaie Hart (photo - amazingly beautiful random internet find - it reminds me of a place in a dream)