Sunday, September 14, 2008

Over Analyzing and Dating

You cannot enjoy the majesty of a mountain any more if you have in-depth knowledge of geothermal activity and plate tectonics. You cannot enjoy a rose more, by picking it apart to see what causes the velvety petals to grow, the sweet aroma they emit or the depth of the color they resonate brilliantly with. So often when we’ve been wounded in matters of the heart and we strike out again, we often find ourselves in a place of over-analyzing everything. This happened, that happened, this was said, this wasn’t said, what does it mean, what do I do? We can sometimes trap ourselves in worrying about what happened yesterday and what could come tomorrow while interacting with a potential romantic interest. But, that can be dangerous even more dangerous than what might happen if you continue to borrow trouble with your thoughts.

When you’re so busy worried about your behavior, playing the game, doing or saying the right thing and always reading between the lines, you’re missing something important, the journey. The journey is always more important than the destination. It doesn’t always matter what you do but how you do it when you engage in most tasks. Romantic entanglements are no different. Walking into a new potential relationship with eyes and heart wide open without becoming mired in the game is so key to your daily happiness. There are so many traps with “the game”…you know the one I’m talking about…get them to fall for you and then let them see who you really are. I hate the game and refuse to play. It’s a waste of your time and your potential partner’s.

If you’re interested in someone, say so. Be honest about how you feel, what you think and who you are. Don’t do anything half way, give it your all or give it nothing. Don’t hold on to people like they are drugs to pacify you from loneliness…if you can’t give someone your all, give them nothing, like I said…and be honest about it. If you’re not sure how you feel about someone, tell them that too. It doesn’t mean the end of things, it means you need more time to evaluate what is happening. That’s not unreasonable here. The whole point I’m trying to make is that when we over-analyze situations, we change our authentic behavior and get too into strategy for victory. Dating is not something you employ a strategy on necessarily. The only “strategy” you should have is how you are going to give your best to being open and honest about who you are, what you want, what you like, are you open to a relationship or not, are you just looking for sex and companionship or not. Human emotions are worth something…the emotions reflect on the person and every person has the right to be treated with respect. Don’t lock them into second guessing and don’t hesitate to ask questions if you’re concerned about something.

I could go off in so many directions here but want to focus on over-analyzing. It won’t get you anywhere. If you want to analyze something, analyze your own motivations for the relationship to begin with. If you’re feeling insecure, analyze that. If you’re feeling fearful, analyze that but don’t get stuck in your head about it…talk about it. Be open. If you withhold out of fear that someone will reject you, are you not only on borrowed time to begin with? I don’t buy all the dating advice out there about…don’t talk about what you really think…make him fall for you…make her fall for you and then you’ve got them. That’s just wrong and it won’t last. Just look at the divorce rate! Be honest, be open and talk about what is happening inside of you and if it pushes someone away from you, they weren’t yours anyway. I’ll write more about the art of letting go in love in another post…something daters should be aware of.

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