Sunday, March 10, 2013
Participation is a Choice
It’s funny to me how in spiritual circles we often discuss dealing with difficult people as learning and refining our souls from life’s lessons. I could choke on the volume of times I’ve used those very same words. For me, the truth is, I’m really tired of bearing witness to all the ego dramas and plays that creep into my life from others. I’m not a dramatic soul by any stretch of the imagination and for the most part truly believe in the live and let live mentality but nothing gets my hackles up quicker than to watch the internally judged and persecuted create the very same illness in others. It’s like a terribly infectious disease…the disease of psychological and egotistical illusions over respect, honor or people being forced into other people’s molds. To me, life is much more simple. I will love and I will be compassionate. I will be me. If you attempt, for any reason to throw temper tantrums or manipulating bouts of pouting or screaming or worse, insults and threatening behavior to get me to change who I am or force me into your way too limiting role or box, the only response you’ll get from me is an understanding and compassionate smile as I attempt to explain to you as gently as I can the reason why I will be headed in the opposite direction from you. Most likely, never to return but that depends a lot on the manipulator.
Why? Well, tough love and I exercise my choice of how I will spend my energy judiciously and precisely. I will not play a role in a psycho drama for any reason. I am not interested, and just do not like the energy of psychological transference or projection even if I know its core specifically has absolutely nothing to do with me. I don’t like that kind of energy. It just feels awful. Some might like to think that is a harsh and selfish approach but here’s the thing, if I engage in the psycho drama of another, it’s no different to me than handing a bottle of vodka to someone who has a terrible drinking problem. I refuse to feed their addictive desire for negative adrenaline ego battling. I refuse as is my right. It is my choice and free will dictates that I can choose to participate in those things I wish to or not as I see fit. I also don’t worry about the additional vengeance that quickly follows when a soul knows they are in the wrong and so must attack my lack of participation or attack me for not participating in their psycho drama.
Do I still love and care for the souls that engage in this behavior? Sure I do. Have I tried to help these souls understand? Sure I have. However, when it is clear that their need for a negative adrenaline rush in creating continual psycho dramas is greater than a loving friendship or other unconditionally loving relationship, I will refuse to participate. It takes a lot more self-control to hold compassion and understanding and refuse to participate than it does to stand there and take beating after beating giving some souls love only on their terms to stroke their egos or get them to stroke mine. I have observed that some poor souls will scratch, claw and cause harm to people who truly love them for nothing but ego gratification without understanding that it’s fleeting and will never sustain the true desire for love they most wish to be surrounded by. In fact, their very actions can chase most people away in a very twisted self-fulfilling prophecy. Not everyone is capable of learning or changing and we have many lifetimes, all the time in the universe to learn these lessons. So, I will not stand and fight the blind for their inability to see. Instead, I will hold a loving and healing space for them in my heart as I choose not to participate in their drama.
If people could but learn to take the actions of others less personally, understand truly that no one sees everything exactly the way they do and that it is a waste of time to attack another person at their core for not seeing things the way they do, often without an advance discussion, life would go much better for all involved. Egotistical demands, to me, are a waste of time and a horrible obligation to lay on another soul. To reinforce the absurdity – "I feel very small and wounded inside so I’m going to attack you for every single thing you do making it clear you are a failure and nothing can ever be right that you do in my eyes." Or, another, "I’m deeply concerned and insecure inside about how I look and appear to others so you must go on a diet, dye your hair and dress in a way that pleases me or I will make you feel even smaller than I tell you that you are." Do you see the absurdity in this line of thinking? Do you know that most people perpetuate this in every hour of every day without realizing it? Do you know right now, some misguided and very wounded soul is emotionally hammering someone on this very basic premise? Its so sad to me and it just breaks my heart. What these souls need most of all is love and yet the people around them trying to give it are ruthlessly cut down and harmed. It’s so sad to me to watch this drama unfold. I grew up with it and in this very moment, I’m witness to it happening to someone I care about. It’s so sad for all involved. Understanding can go a long way, refusing to accept the hurtful words of the wounded as truth is a must and striving to find safe places to exist in one’s own head is the only answer or well, distance – much distance at least temporarily. For me, I just have no tolerance for this kind of behavior and I do take a very firm hard line of “dispense with the psycho drama” and “when you can behave with kindness, love and compassion, I will be there”…until then, I’m standing over here just out of arm’s reach, ear shot and energy space. End of story.
The moral of this sad story is that some souls have been so wounded by pain that they no longer know how to behave in a loving way. Until they are ready, you cannot force them into your box of peace and serenity by guilt, shame and judgmental words. They also have free will. So, this means that maybe consequence and absence may need to be their teacher for a while. Maybe when they become more willing to seek help, take accountability for their creations in this world and take an active part in healing rather than blame, vengeance or other attack, then they can enjoy the loving relationships they truly desire. There is no right or wrong way to handle this situation whether you are on the delivering end or the receiving end. Each soul must make his or her own choices for at the end of their days here, they will reflect on their actions and behavior and decide what they will need to continue to address in the afterlife or further incarnation. Time is meaningless in terms of life lessons. YOLO (you only live once) is a ridiculous concept to me. Where that true, you’d be better served by praying for healing and changing your harmful ways in this very minute! Thankfully, it doesn’t work like that and we do have plenty of time to deal with all that we have created in this world. Our souls always know and carry the truth and our bodies will immediately reflect the levels at which we need emotional healing. It’s funny how that works. My hope, my thoughts and my prayers today are that for every single wounded soul on the planet to find that “aha moment” where they decide to choose real love over pain, self-control over external manipulation, true healing over creating more egotistical psycho dramas and for all the souls that love these individuals to also find healing, understanding and great compassion for their loved ones. ~Blessings of great healing, awareness, understanding and compassion.
I found a song from Alanis Morissette that related a bit to this theme for today's blog that I thought I'd share. It's a great song. Note that the photo above is a random internet find (very talented painter - I do not know who painted it though).
(c) 2013 (words only - Jaie Hart)