Saturday, March 2, 2013
Observing Thoughts on Judgment
I woke up early this morning and began watching videos on youtube.com in whatever way my intuition decided to guide me. There are many wonderful teachers out there and there are a small handful I usually turn to. Today I noticed within me some thoughts and I realized as I thought them, my own judgment was interfering with the truth. It’s funny to me how my own judgment works but I’m more interested in why. Three different very knowledgeable teachers did I watch and every one of them spoke similarly and the truths that they spoke resonated deeply but I began to sit in judgment of one of the three. Each conveyed messages of love, understanding life, energy, flow and listening from the right space within. But because one of them taught from lavish surrounds and I do not wish to go into too much detail because my point is not to disparage these teachers at all but to analyze my own thinking. Two of these teachers spoke from simple surrounds and were very simply adorned. Although these teachers are also representing their own ego consciousness in their surrounds, their messages were similar as I said. But I noticed in my own thinking, I tended to give more credence to the two who were not lavishly surrounded and with more simple dress and accessories.
I caught myself in the midst of the judgmental thoughts and observed where they were going. I tried not to judge myself in my judgment and instead attempted to step back a moment and understand. While all 3 spoke the same message, the two not ornamented lavishly, I seemed to respected immediately and the third I sort of didn’t at first. But, I listened to his messages any way and discovered that still he spoke the same message the others did that I respected and his words resonated with me. Then I realized that for whatever reason, I did not have great respect for those with flashy outward ego expression. I’ve never had great respect for such people because I feel manipulated by them. It’s as if they want you to look at what they want you to look at but not see what is really there. From a spiritual perspective, I know logically that we are all expressions and representations of the One and due to the duality of our Earthly experience and expression here, we are likely to choose to express ourselves in whatever way we wish to. We have free will and that aspect I always respect. Even the more flashy teacher, I respect his free will to appear however it is he wishes. But, where in me is that space that must judge others on their ego, I wondered. I can assure you I am no better than he, was honestly my second thought. I wear very nice clothes to work, I drive a car that suits my needs (a small SUV) and I have pretty jewelry and nice shoes. How is that any different than the teacher who was lavishly adorned and why is it that I would notice that? I have to look within and ask myself, why do I put on make-up every day, fix my hair ever day and dress in colors that match with matching shoes?
What within me judges myself so harshly that I cannot be exactly as I am, walk this earth with no make up on, wavy hair not blown out perfectly straight and without my silver rings and other jewelry. What in me thinks I need these things to appear more than I am, or well, perhaps, what is it I want others to see instead of what is there? Asking the right questions, perhaps but not getting any real answers. So, shutting off the thoughts to feel my way through and that’s when I realized, my wholehearted decision about the lavishly adorned teacher is that I like his style and his expression even if he might seem a bit unorthodox and that he expresses himself differently. I deeply appreciate the expression of all and also truly, the ability to express myself however I feel like expressing myself. So, when I see a woman wearing flip flops, unattractive comfy clothing, no makeup and wavy hair, I do think – I’m envious of you that you are so carefree so as not to worry about appearances instead of wasting energy where it is unnecessary. I wish I could do that and well, I guess I really could. But, the truth is, I like what I do. I like to put on sparkly colorful make up, curl my hair or straighten it if I feel like it. I love to wear red sometimes, black sometimes and white or orange sometimes whether or not those hues go with my complexion. Then I have to ask myself a more important question, if I had only rags, no home, no jewelry and no make-up, how would I feel in this world? I know human judgment and I would feel the energy of being looked down upon even if that “looking down upon” had nothing at all to do with me. Whether I am extravagantly adorned myself or wearing nothing but old jeans and a comfy t-shirt, I am the same. I do not change by my expression. My expression is a projection of my mood I suppose. If I could not outwardly express the time and care I take to present myself to this world, I would find other ways to express myself because I really like to express myself. That part I don’t worry so much about, it is when my own judgment arises in the way others like to express themselves that I grow concerned.
When judgmental thoughts arise in me and they do, I’m quick to tell myself, “You do not understand the thoughts or the path of another and, so, who are you to judge what they do, what they say or how they express themselves? Is it just human nature that has us believe that if someone does what we do not or would not choose to do, for whatever psychological reason, that another person is weird, strange or laughable or not respected? When I look at this concept and carry it through, I see truly what a ridiculous concept that is to hold and I become disappointed that I would hold it. In my disappointment though, lies a very important message for me. Perhaps I need to spend more time expressing myself not in the way others expect me to but in the ways I feel truly called to. I do this most days but that is only if I compartmentalize. I’m such a rebel. I’ll wear a nice suit to work and then put on my ankh, a crystal or angel wing earrings. See, such a rebel. At work I must conform to be taken seriously and there is a reason I want to be taken seriously.
My job allows me to feed my children and as a single mom, to give them a life growing up that I never had. It’s just something that matters to me. I grew up on welfare and hand outs from the church. Being providers were just not my parent’s strong suits even though in their own ways they were perfectly lovely human beings for the most part. See, more judgment. So, I start to think that if we are here with an ego, we can never escape judgment and we can never ever truly stop miring ourselves in THAT negative energy – that waste of energy. I could become discouraged if I hold only that thought so I allow my natural tendency to take over and try to find the bright side in this lesson. Having an ego that spawns negative judgment and negative wasteful energy is not so bad because I know also that even with half a brain and the will, even still, we can develop understanding and compassion to mitigate the ravages of the ego. So, I am judgmental I learned while watching my own thoughts today. What I also learned is that judging myself harshly for judgment is a stupid waste of time. So, I realized with my thoughts that I must just acknowledge and accept this human frailty of mine and seek not to eradicate it but to further develop mitigating strategies by focusing on understanding, focusing on acceptance and focusing on compassion. Also, it makes me further realize that those who sit in judgment of me are battling their own ego. They may come to understanding and compassion or not and free will dictates it’s none of my business and I’ve no right to interfere in the thoughts others may wish to think of me. How I or anyone else on this planet chooses to mass his or her energy is up to the individual. So, the ego does try to control but deep within the beautiful mind and heart that all hold can be born understanding and compassion. For each negative matter in this world there is a counter-part that mitigates it. If you find yourself in negative egotistical judgment, find that which mitigates its effect on you energetically and be will to rediscover your center and the love therein. ~Blessings of greater love, compassion and understanding beautiful souls. We truly are in this together and understanding will help us take this thought home.
(c) 2013 Jaie Hart, photo is a fortunate random internet find.