Sunday, August 3, 2008

Talking Too Much

Sometimes I think I talk too much. Maybe it's not the actual talking in and of itself but rather the revealing subject matter I never seem to hold back. Maybe I'm not so bright in that regard but I'm an open book to the world, for the most part. I appreciate openness and honesty whether wounded egos abound or not. Including, my own. Maybe it's the shock value I gain from seeming to be a sane, rational, semi-intelligent and responsible woman who has engaged in some interesting emotional adventures of sorts. One might actually call them ridiculous acts of poor judgment and I probably couldn't argue at all. But, long gone are the days where I berated myself to the point of intensely poisonous self-loathing.

With age comes a little wisdom I suppose. I keep hoping for more but at times it seems a bit slow in coming. So, patiently I move through my days one day at a time, seeking healing and finding it, thinking with crystal clarity and feeling it. I may not appeal to the masses who hide away behind impenetrable walls of seeming emotional security. I left those behind learning first and foremost that our mistakes do not define the whole of who we are. It's what we do with the knowledge gained from seeming mistakes that really define our character. It's seeking the deepest meaning possible from every interaction in the world that is the most important aspect of living.

I don't know, I mean, it just seems at times when you're an open book, you're often met with judgment. That's an interesting but real aspect of human interaction. Judgment can be a fearful concept when you're open to the world, speaking from who you are really because the rejection can be much more personal and, well, intense. However, nothing ventured is nothing gained and the judgments of others, I completely understand, has everything to do with the state of other egos. Granted the hosts of those egos have the right to be discerning as to what is okay and what isn't in their worlds. It's just hard to be mistaken or relegated to the land of the untouchable or undesirable for one's honesty. But then again, I guess I'd rather be rejected for being exactly who I am than some manufactured or distilled version of who I might have represented for someone.

Just some thoughts this morning with no particular points of origin.


  1. Jaie
    I found your blog when I did a Google search on “real aspect of human interaction”. I regard that aspect of our interactions as the foundation of all value. It is the source, the measure, of truth, beauty and everything that we judge to be good, right and true.
    I liked your statement that “seeking the deepest meaning possible from every interaction in the world … is the most important aspect of living.”
    But I believe that our interactions are even more fundamental.
    There is no need to seek “meaning” beyond or outside our interactions with others (eg. the interaction between you and me at this point in time). “The most important aspect of living” is, I believe, our ability (our freedom) to allow (to be open to) any and every “meaning” that arises in, or from, each and every interaction we have with others (that arises in, or from, what I call the ‘real aspect of human interaction’).

    1. Peter, thank you for stopping by my page and sharing your thoughts. I do agree with your assessment. Live and learn every day. At the time of this article, I was in a place where human interactions I experienced where quite harsh to manage emotionally speaking (meaning I had chosen to feel pain and hurt from some traumatically emotional things happening around me). Finding meaning happened to be my way out of languishing in a victim perspective. Today, however, I see things much differently. All human interaction is beautiful no matter whether painful or supportive. Everything and everyone has great value to the whole of our existence in ways you cannot fathom with a superficial "me" mind-set. :) Again, thank you for your comment and sharing/interacting. So very much sincerely appreciated. :)