Saturday, August 30, 2008

Distracted Thoughts

I can’t seem to think clearly today. Every thought feels distracted, pulled away and yet swirling on the perimeter. I haven’t a worry in the world today, the sun is shining and that cool ocean breeze is blowing as always. It’s my dad’s birthday today and I’ll take flowers to his grave. I know he’s no longer there but it’s something I’m compelled to do out of love.

Some thoughts do seem to break through the surface of occupied consciousness…a late night, an early morning, pleasant memories and a long drive home to think. It was a gray sky and humid morning when I left. It was hard to leave knowing I wanted to go and yet I didn’t. I waved good bye wistfully knowing the responsibilities I have to take care of and take care of them I will. I must just accept that today a part of my thoughts will be elsewhere in pleasant distraction.

Today I’ll move through the list of my typical Saturday routine and maybe find some time to go to the beach. I want to feel the sun on my skin and hear the waves crash onto the shore…something to represent a physical manifestation of the intensity of thought and emotion inside of me. I’ll breathe in the scenery and watch the birds in flight. I’ll smile as I watch my children playing. I’ll frown when we come back and engage in some of life's more mundane chores! Tonight we’ll celebrate my birthday. Just me and my girls. It’ll be nice.

Tomorrow I’ll visit a new friend. One that seems to occupy a fair amount of my thoughts of late. I’ll laugh and smile and enjoy being in the company of friendship and kindness and celebrate my birthday. But until then enough with my procrastination. If I’m going to enjoy this day, I better get to it before it slips away.

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