Monday, August 12, 2013
To unconditionally love and forgive a wounded soul who has taken advantage of you, lied to you and then inflicted upon you pure unadulterated vengeance, barraged you at every opportunity with nothing but scathing and hateful words and sought to tear you limb from limb emotionally speaking in vindictive acts of public humiliation all due to a bit of misplaced psychological rejection or even transference or projection seems a very difficult thing to do. To follow the dictates of some religions and march yourself right back into the proverbial fire following selfless forgiveness and love for the seeming offender is, to me, absolute insanity. To unconditionally love and forgive any soul is truly divine and these two things, I fully support with all of my being. To find gratitude in a life lesson won, is also a good and positive thing but to forget the treatment and expect something different from an obviously very wounded soul who has always hurt you is only truly ever an invitation by you to allow them to do the same as they have always done. You see, while you are learning tough life lessons, so are they. If you permit bad behavior from such souls and allow it to continually repeat, you invite yourself to become a doormat time and time again. This does nothing to help the wounded soul and unless you are truly prepared to manage such behavior, it does nothing to help you either unless, of course, you never got the lesson the interaction was intended to teach. Really though, becoming a doormat for any soul, wounded or not is not what we are put here to do. The suffering souls who continually take advantage of others, lie and then inflict vile vengeance while creating a world of monsters that is supposedly you, well, they have their own life lessons obviously to contend with and sometimes it is truly best to just forgive them in the fullness of the light of love and yet, never forget.
Let me make myself perfectly clear on this point though. I’m not talking about holding a grudge here as I am an energetically responsible individual right down to the core of my bones. I suggest that you hold no grudge at all and let forgiveness and understanding sink into your bones and know that in life some individuals you dearly love are caught up in the illusions and delusions of their own life lessons and they know no better than to use you as a thing or a convenience, to demand you bank roll them while they refuse to take care of themselves or that you tolerate their toxic behavior because you are family. These are very difficult relationships to bear let alone find ways to heal the emotional trauma from. It seems that these wounded souls so readily inflict much pain upon those around them but I will say, continuing to suffer the trauma they most undoubtedly will continue to inflict until they have come to terms with their own psychological demons there just is no point in expending your precious energy in a tug of war with emotionally and physically manipulative people...or, as I like to think of them, wounded souls.
Each soul on this planet has the right to choose how little, if any, they will participate with such individuals. Sometimes refusing to participate at all delivers its own sort of lesson and opportunity for you and wounded soul to learn from. Standing tall within your own light while someone uses every fiber of their being to tear you apart can be so very hard, especially when that one has been a biological relative from your family of origin (FOO). It’s hard but it’s not impossible for you to heal and recover regardless of what the wounded soul does or does not do. I’ve often suggested that when it is you dealing with such individuals, consider imagining such relatives shouting at you with a straight jacket on from the window of an insane asylum. If you saw them in such a scene shouting the things they shout or planning and conniving while in that mode of dress and in that surrounding, you’d not be so surprised by their words or behavior. You would also not be as traumatized as you’d begin to visualize more of the truth of the true nature of the pain they carry that hides their own love. If you can help them find that and you are psychologically trained to do so, great! Go for it. But if you are not, you may soon find yourself in over your head and suffering emotionally or even traumatically to the point your quality of life goes right down the drain. This is no way to live and you do have a choice.
My preference is to disengage from the dramatically, traumatically psychologically misguided by sending them love, sending them healing, wishing them well and then standing ever so much outside the circle of their flailing arm’s reach as well as ear shot. I have found in all of my years it is much safer for me and in a way, also for them. Every single thing they do builds up somewhere within their psyche’s more self-loathing and hatred for themselves for the things they do to you. Me, I’m not one to hand a bottle of vodka to an alcoholic and, so, will gladly remove myself from the presence of those who get a charge or high from manipulating others to get what they want and need out of life or hurting others because they miss the true purpose of the value the rising pain within them truly intends to teach them. It’s just the way I handle things in order for me to sleep better at night. Does any of this stop me from worrying about my loved ones that fit the description of the antagonists or wounded souls that I am attempting to describe here? No, not really but I have realized something about life. We all have choices to make. We can choose anger and vengeance for this or that or we can choose peace and love. I choose the latter and will again and again and in so doing I find I’m in a better position to send out loving thoughts and prayers of help and healing for those who need it. Is it the right way to deal with tough family members? Some would say yes and some would say certainly not. In all honestly, I don’t care about what the consensus says. I go with what is right for me and right for me is being completely free of wounded souls disinterested in healing but a little too interested in inflicting their psychological trauma, drama and vengeance upon me for refusing to be what to them they demand I should be. It is what it is and I must be who I am…a loving, forgiving person who won’t tolerate anyone’s B.S. in my space. And yes, I do believe in tough love as you may have surmised. ~Blessings of courage, thoughtful forgiveness and so much love.