But I noticed that each time I achieved this goal or that goal and I had that moment or sense of momentary satisfaction at achievement, it was truly only very short-lived and really kind of empty now that I recall each one more fully with all of my senses open wide. Then, I thought if I could just materially attain this or that or make this much or hold that position, I'd feel better and well, just good about me.
Well, I achieved the material possessions and the positions and I felt good about them, but again, only for a moment. These things and achievements felt good to strive for and good even for just a moment to finally attain. But again, only a moment's happiness did they bring me truly.
There are really too many things I've come to realize in my life but of those things a couple are more important than all of the rest. For starters, any soul, regardless of of upbringing, financial status or environmental psychology can achieve goals they set for themselves if they but try, never giving up or disbelieving in their ability. Great lesson! Yes! Of course.
But despite this one thing and the many more I have learned on my journey, a question has gently floated to the fore of my consciousness. The question seemed bigger, brighter and more important than all of the goals and achievements I can recount and proudly call my own. The question I ultimately considered, "Why did I strive for those things and what was it I was trying to prove to no one else really but me?"
I have done nothing but consider this question for about 18 months now. I think I have finally answered after much thought and well, more accurately, feeling. I have answered that question a good number of times and in a good number of ways for me. I now further question everything that I thought I wanted.
I think I have finally come to the conclusion that money can buy a nice roof temporarily, cool clothes can put on a nice exterior, position can give you egotistical stature if you're lacking self-confidence in your own right or light and even public acknowledgement if you need that validation but, if there is no lasting contentment and joy in life that lasts as a result of all of these energy burning and very tiring efforts, I guess I just see no point in them any more.
So, now I think some more and I wonder whether I ever care to achieve position again, whether I care any longer to have more and ever more money because with it comes its own sort of problems. What I care to achieve is contentment in my present focus no matter what it is that I might be focusing on.
Considering my former and present thinking carefully, it feels as if I am finally read to give up on most destinations I once thought important for me in my life and I that I no longer care for the thought of doing anything other than what I want for my own approval in tune with the dictates of my own deepest inner soul. More than anything else in this world, I wish to see only love in everything and maybe to strive more towards finding contentment in whatever I do from scrubbing a floor, to laundry, to driving to work (with gratitude at having a job), to talking with loved ones and strangers or merely sitting alone at peace staring up at the leaves swaying in the breeze in beautiful contrast with a vast cerulean blue sky. What good are things in life if you cannot find lasting contentment? The journey's purpose I think at least for me, is to learn to truly see love in every single thing in existence and to find contentment no matter what presents itself to me on my journey for good or ill purpose. And so, a new journey begins as my thoughts begin to shift and change with greater focus on the journey itself.
Change is in the wind, a welcome change, a beautiful change and a wondrous life-altering change. I welcome it with the mind of a curious child filled with a desire just to experience the amazing wonder that is life here on planet Earth. Silly? Maybe. Crazy? Maybe that too. But, well, I'm off to explore these thoughts and feelings some more. ~Blessings for your journey to true and lasting love and, well, contentment too.
(c) 2013 Jaie Hart (photo, very fortunate and oh so beautiful random internet find)