Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Wishing on The Stars

Domestic discord had me crying out like the Calgon commercial from years ago yesterday. I had a resulting fitful night of sleep as well. But, this morning when I stepped outside into the cool and dark I noticed a clear black sky filled with twinkling stars. I breathed in the beauty of it and felt like I’d been holding my breath until that moment and, as if to make up for missed moments, I caught a glimpse of not one but two shooting stars and of course wishes were sent up and out!

I’m tired this morning but I’m much more calm, the anxiety drained away during fitful slumber. That’s fine by me. Somehow the coffee tastes much sweeter today and the aroma leaves me with a heavenly feeling. I love mornings . Especially after a rough bit of a day. I’m suffering the parental growing pains. My sweet girls can some times act like possessed demons. I’m the only constant they have definitively day in and day out and when I have a bad day, they sense it and respond at this psychic level that amazes me every time it occurs. I have to find a way to quickly restore mental/thoughtful balance when this occurs and its just damn hard when the bad day is compounded by children acting like they’ve lost their minds. There is a huge lesson in my experience from yesterday and it’s really about not letting your emotions throw you off balance. Now, I know this is much easier said than done but it’s worth the effort to find a way to restore balance quickly, adjust your attitude and your thoughts or like a negative magnet, you can draw some not fun emotional stuff your way.

Today will be a much better day. I can feel it already. A fair night of sleep even helps restore some of the balance. A busy day will keep my thoughts occupied and the things from yesterday that had me emotional and feeling anxious will fade to the background. I won’t forget about those things today but won’t let them live in my conscious foreground. I need a break from those things so shall mentally set them down until I’ve got some alone time to deal with them.

I’m looking forward to the drive into the office this morning. I’m going to have Nora Jones escorting me loudly as I drive. Her first two CDs have such a calming effect on me and I really enjoy her music. Her second one, can’t remember the title, reminds me of an issue I’m dealing with this week and listening and singing along helps to ease some of the tension of it. Music truly is a balm to the soul.

I keep going back to my early morning commune session with the stars. Whenever my troubles seem overwhelming, a quick glance up at the stars makes me and my troubles seem small and insignificant. Maybe that’s why I rely on that view so much…it recharges me, gives me hope, makes me feel incredible and I can’t articulate well the reasons why. Maybe there is someone I’ve not yet met that is on my mind and I know that the one thing we share for now is the stars. I wrote a poem about that once, I may share it here some time. I plan to do a bit of writing on Friday. I’m taking the day off just to relax and have some “me” time. I need it. I give a lot to everyone else and so little to myself. I need to change that and I’m starting this week with little things…baby steps. I’ll get there.

Thoughts for today are leading me down interesting paths. So, I say, if you find yourself in a similar situation some time, don’t judge where the thoughts go, just follow them as they meander through memories, worries, hopes and dreams and see where they lead you. Try to understand the themes trying to get your attention without doing any negative judgment at all. Peace.

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