Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Noticing Things

Yesterday at sunset, I noticed a small swarm of gnats across the court yard. The sunlight caught them and they looked like tiny dancing balls of light moving to the sound of some unheard orchestra. The leaves have turned brown and are falling every where. I sighed feeling the relief of anxiety released. It was a good day.

This morning when I first stepped outside, the sky was black and filled with tiny sparkling and pulsing lights. I noticed a tiny seeming satellite crawling slowly across the sky. The air was already warm which is unusual so close to the coast. In the silence I could hear the roar of the surf and it soothed my soul. I got myself ready for work and my girls ready for school and took a peek outside again. The sky had transformed into a cadet blue with fewer stars in sight. Off to the East the sky was turning plum, pink and orange all at once. It’s going to be a very warm and yet beautiful day. I can feel it.

There are just those mornings when it feels like everything in life has clicked neatly into place and although the woes of my world have not yet been resolved, I’m confident that today will be peaceful. While I feel very much at peace, electric anticipation resides within me as well. A dear friend told me once that frenetically peaceful defines my character quite well. I agree. It seems I’m always a bundle of dichotomy concerning emotions. I can’t say I know a mother who doesn’t resonate with such feelings at one time or another.

Sometimes it feels as if I’m a clown in a circus, constantly juggling large and small objects to keep an audience amused and in their seats. It’s a delicate dance quite often I find but you know I guess at the end of the day, I really don’t mind. Spiritually speaking, I believe I chose this life. At times it seems too much for one woman to carry but it would be like me to choose something challenging and struggle and strive to make the best of it and make it a successful life. I approach projects, problems and worries in much the same way. I know when it’s challenging, rather than allow myself to become derailed, I exit common consciousness and let a trance-like creative mindset take over. I talk with friends and others whom I hold a great deal of respect. I let the ideas bounce around until the swirling thoughts coalesce into concrete actions and plans. I can relax a little then until the next set of swirling thoughts and emotions hit.

My coffee and cream tastes like heaven this morning. I can’t wait to get on with my day today. I’ll watch the sunrise ahead of me as I head to my girl’s before school program and be reminded of how important it is to notice the little things, the beautiful things in life as you go about your mundane seeming duties. If you get thrown off your center, the world and your tasks can seem like mere drudgery. That’s not good for the psyche or the soul. The old axiom, “take time to smell the roses” is a truth to happiness that I live by. When the world leaves me feeling a bit cross-threaded, I realize I’ve not made the time to appreciate the beauty in life. It’s everywhere. I notice these things most of the time and I think that keeps me sane in an other-wise crazy life.

I am reminded this morning that life’s challenges, no matter how painful they seem, do serve an important purpose. That purpose is not to drive you into angry fits of rage, sadness or other forms of self-pity or self-loathing. The challenging things in life are meant to teach you something about yourself. I think primarily to teach you how to rise above the raw emotion and seek solace in a higher plane of thinking and viewing a situation. When you can pull the ego out of raw emotion and view the situation from a higher plane, you can see things from a different perspective, notice things you might have overlooked and just give yourself the opportunity to transcend frustration. This does involve the ability to look for silver linings or at least come to a place of acceptance, an “it is what it is” thought process to alleviate the frustration of the moment. It can be done and when you can look at your behavior and laugh a little at how silly we really are for thinking our worries are any greater than those around us, we can release a little tension and begin to realize how small we are, how unimportant our worries can be in comparison to other things dreadful in the world. We too can come to a place where we wrestle with the things in our lives joyously with difficulty. That’s what I do often it seems. I may have struggles sometimes but I’m glad that I’m alive to face those struggles. As difficult as times are, I’m grateful to be a member of the human race traversing the planet at this time.

I think only the strongest of the strong can get through it. When we can make progress, we show others it’s possible and we give them hope. Maybe that doesn’t matter to you so much and that’s okay. It matters to me and because of that I just can’t let the world and its happenings derail me for long. I’ve a job to do, many of them in fact and I intend to give it my all, my best and strive ever to succeed.

May you find your measure of peace today be it in noticing beauty, smiling with friends or winning a battle no matter how small. Realize though, even when you lose you might be surprised to find how much you’re really winning in wisdom and life experience. Blessings to you all!

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