I'll Have Some Life With a Little Peace but Hold the Drama Please

Drama...interesting word. It isn't a word confined to the theater, movies or even television. Its something that tends to run rampant in the lives of the populace from time to time and sometimes, in some lives, it becomes a sustaining mechanism. For some people, it just seems they are unhappy unless creating drama for themselves or others. I think drama or the by-product of drama, adrenaline, becomes an addiction. For all manner of reasons, people become addicted to drama and it's resulting rush of adrenaline. It makes them feel alive and gives them a sense of power, seemingly. However, for the habitual perpetrators of drama, the rush is short lived and they really must continue to reach out and stir things up to get a fix.

You can't put such people in their place because any attempt to address their development of drama out of what you view as nothing feeds right into the building of yet another dramatic situation. It creates yet another conflict to keep the turmoil burning in their minds and hearts. Oh, we'd be justified to put them in their place and to fight back but the reality is, it really isn't right to feed their addiction any more than it would be right to hand an alcoholic a bottle of vodka or a crack addict, one more rock to burn. It's not right! So, if you have a drama king or queen in your life, realize that its not your job to fix them, put them in their place or set them right. It's your job to get through the encounter without doing more harm; without feeding their addiction further. How do you do that? Don't give them anything to sink their teeth into. Disengage your own ego and know that no matter how hard your buttons are pushed, you have the power of choice--you have power over how you will use your words and you have power over your own thoughts. Use each of these powers wisely in a way that does not create more harm.

It's unpleasant at best to deal with a drama queen or king. They've set up their lives to be an aggressor or a victim just to manipulate people or get people to lash out at them. With their focus so engaged on others, taking the inventory of other people, they cannot and will not see their own hand in their own creation of the drama around them so really, there is no point in fighting back. It would be a waste of your energy. If you want to do anything at all, speak from the heart instead of seeking to get even. If they say something that hurts your feelings, say "you hurt my feelings." Then, let it go realizing you are not likely to change them. The only person you can change is you...the only thing you can change is how you react to the drama queen or king!

I have learned that in my life, the drama kings and queens have their own lessons in life to learn and I do not desire to be part of their drama--so, I do not engage. I might listen if I have the time but I know that just like an addict, they will say or do anything for their next fix. So, I don't waste a lot of time trying to fix them. I keep my focus on my own life, my own thoughts and I keep control of my tongue. If I fear I'm beginning to lose control and I can't move my buttons far enough to keep them out of reach of the drama king or queen, I leave--get away, refuse to return--whatever it takes. I have the right to live my life in peace without fixing or becoming a part of everyone else's drama. I have the right to stay centered, grounded and seek to maintain my own serenity. If I let people knock me off my center by engaging in the drama of others, I find I become so very drained. I don't like how that feels. So, I just don't allow it. I pray hard sometimes asking my Maker to help the drama-addicted to find peace and comfort, preferably far outside of my realm of existence.

I view things in terms of worthy and unworthy battles. Helping someone honestly willing to see things differently--well, that's a worthy battle. Engaging in battle with someone to get even or restore my own ego after an insult is really an unworthy battle and I know if I engage, I will feel really bad about me. Feeling bad about me does not help me so I just disengage. It's not up to me to convince someone insulting me that they are wrong. I might state that they misunderstand and that I feel they have judged me wrongly but I won't fight to be right on that point. It's not my job to change people's minds. It's my job to live my life by doing the right thing by me and to me.  The right thing for me is  to not waste my energy convincing those souls out there that they should like me, accept me and not insult me. That just isn't my job. People are entitled to their opinions and I just refuse to fight with people seeking drama for a quick high.

Something to remember, drama kings and queens are very judgmental. They know your every flaw. Do you want to know how they see it so well? Well, it's because they too are flawed and it's much easier for them to point out your weaknesses and flaws than to deal with their own. Remember that anyone who judges you without first walking a mile in your shoes cannot possibly bring any truth to bear on who you really are as a person. So, in those instances where judgment comes across, see it for what it is and let it slide right off your back. If you think there is a shred of truth to what is being said, it's up to you to do something about that but do it for you...not for the drama king or queen.

The drama kings and queens of the world will continue to stir up chaos and turmoil to get their daily fix until they tire of it and decide to pull their energy within and heal. You can't force them to do that work but you can choose not to participate whenever their addiction to creating drama hurts you. You have the right to withdraw and keep yourself surrounded by peaceful thoughts and people. You do not have to subject yourself to any souls you do not wish to subject yourself to. The ones you keep your distance from may fight to keep you right where you are and only you can decide if you can love them unconditionally up close and not be affected by their drama or if you must do so from a safe distance. You can decide to hear their tales of woe and not get involved by putting the ownership back on those people. That's different than insulting them back or putting them in their place.

I'm going to be very peaceful today and filled with gratitude that my life is full now of so many loving a peaceful individuals. Had I not taken the time to want that in my life, my life would still be filled with drama kings and queens driving me mad! But the people and things you hold to you in this life are a choice you make. Think positive in your interactions, pray for healing for those people, pray for strength for you and be grateful for the serene moments you do have and you will draw more of that to you.

(c) 2010 (both photo and words)

True Wealth

I was up before the sun this morning, stepped outside and heard the tune of my friend the mocking bird.  He sat right in my favorite spot underneath the birch tree in my backyard.  His tune was sweet and so joyful this morning.  I stood still for long moments watching his antics.  Just now the leaves have become etched in fiery gold sunlight as she makes her silent ascent into a pale blue sky.  The clouds are moving slowly in a gentle sea breeze and the temperature is cool but so very comfortable.  Crow joins in with the mocking bird to make his presence known and I sit quietly and just listen.  No motion, no movement except for an occasional sip of my coffee.

I live in suburbia and you have to really work hard for these moments when you can hear nature come to life.  However, such moments are so very necessary for the well being of your soul.  It’s too easy to become distracted by the multitude of commercial things the television tells you that you must go out and purchase this moment or the Jones will poke fun at you.  How silly are we when we succumb to such suggestions.  Our needs are much more simple.  If you pursue and worship what is right, you don’t have mounting debt for the coolest new toys and the stress that goes with maintaining that fascade of coolness and wealth.

There is a wealth deep inside of you worth more money than the richest man on the planet.  That wealth should be treasured daily and know that it is not measured by the things you have but more so by the beautiful people you have in your life and the number of things in life and scenes you truly and deeply appreciate.  Very recently I was standing on top of a chunk of lime stone in the middle of a forest of beautiful trees.  All you could hear were the birds sweetly singing and the wind rustling the leaves in the trees and in that moment it felt like my soul was being enriched with the beauty before me.  In that moment, I felt like the wealthiest woman on the planet.  Watching the vibrant shades of green, the dead trees even a beautiful contrast and reminder that life is part of an unimaginable circle.

That moment that made me feel the richest was made all the better because that moment was the gift of a very dear soul to me.  Even today I can see his smile as we explored the trees and the rocks, the flora and fawna and we were even blessed that day with a few deer on the trail and one that even posed for a few pictures.  The point I’m trying to make is that it is not the things that you own or the money that you strive for that make you wealthy.  What makes you wealthy is your ability to hold gratitude in your heart, see true beauty all around you and to feel your own reservoir of love from within you.  If you are not in touch with that…go for a walk in nature, listen to what the birds are trying to tell you, get lost gazing into a deep cerulean sky.  Feel the love vibrating in your very own soul and be so very happy to be alive, to have good people around you and endless opportunities from this day forward to teach yourself and the world about the true riches life has to offer.

I pray you have a day that fills your soul with so much love!

Through the Eyes of Love - Part II

I said I’d write more on love and seeing through the eyes of love. Do you ever wonder why this might seem so hard in some situations? Well, I think it’s all based on common definitions. For example, the definition from one of the local world wide web sites: http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/entry/love indicates:

NOUN:
1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
3.
a. Sexual passion.
b. Sexual intercourse.
c. A love affair.
4. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
5. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
6. An expression of one's affection: Send him my love.
7.
a. A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language.
b. The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love.
8. Love Mythology Eros or Cupid.
9. often Love Christianity Charity.
10. Sports A zero score in tennis.

So, aside from the last part of the definition, you can see that love is essentially defined as a deep affectionate feeling that comes from within, makes you feel like you’re in the flow of something bigger than you are and that changes your perspective and causes you to hold someone you love in higher regard. If you’ve been involved in a romantic relationship, you know that feeling. If you have children, you know that feeling. If you have pets you adore, you know that feeling. The tricky part about life and seeing the world through the eyes of love is to expand that feeling from your close circle of family, close friends and pets. Expand that feeling from the close to the broader sense. That same feeling you hold of love for your family can be held towards co-workers, acquaintances and even strangers on the street. It can be held for people who generally make you happy and even those that really irritate you. In fact, if you can hold that feeling of love and move into the deeper levels of it…compassion, can you imagine how different a single day might go for you?

It’s hard some days to hold a feeling of love and compassion towards the guy that just cut you off on the freeway, the lady who grabbed the last item that was on sale you were looking for or even the individual you never even met who felt the need to seemingly insult you in some way. Or is it? It isn’t hard and the most amazing thing is that you never lose anything when you view people through the eyes of love. I’ll let you in on a little secret, we are not as separate as you think we all are. We’re not all that different from each other on the inside. We all hide behind the masks we designed to protect ourselves from the pain in the world. But what if that was really unnecessary? If you know that someone loves you and they say something to you that might not seem very nice, are you more inclined to be forgiving than if a stranger says the same thing? Why is that? Well, it’s because maybe there is someone you love unconditionally and you know that the things they say are not about you, the things they say may be about a bad day or a wounded place inside of them and so you chose not to react. Did you know you can do the very same thing with a complete stranger who has insulted you and you will lose nothing?

When people lash out at you, attempt to hurt you or make you feel bad, what if you looked at them as a family member you loved unconditionally and you knew that what they said was not about you, it is about them and you were grounded and comfortable in the fact that nothing that person says can take anything away from you? Did you know that’s really how things are? No one can take away from you, anything that you are. You can chose to give pieces of yourself away through a victim mentality or through blame but that isn’t someone taking something from you, that is YOU giving parts of you away…it’s you diminishing pieces of who you are. So then, what to do. STOP blame, stop giving away your power…see everyone and everything from the higher realms of love and compassion. Hold yourself in higher regard and be grounded and comfortable taking action through the eyes of love.

Sometimes being loving when others are not in a loving space, makes us fearful that the object of our love and affection will hurt us. But, did you know the hurt doesn’t come from outside of us. The hurt is already there inside and people direct our attention to that hurt with words and actions and our thoughts do the stinging. It doesn’t have to be that way. That’s where self-love and holding compassion for yourself comes in. If someone called you an ugly stupid jerk but you knew that was not true, what would it matter what someone else thought…especially if that someone else was actually acting like an ugly stupid jerk? Transference…one of my favorites. Do you get what I’m trying to say here? Be confident in who you are mask or not and take only those words to heart you really think are valid. I saw a cartoon once. I think it was called Little Bill and it was created by Bill Cosby. In the show, Little Bill was being made fun of and it hurt his feelings. His father taught him a little trick and it’s one I have actually used in situations where people like to name-call in the negative…it’s a simple word…”So.” If someone calls you an ugly stupid jerk and you fight back…you are giving their pain more power and that is actually not a loving thing to do. If you each keep feeding each other’s pain, you have escalation. Someone must win at the expense of someone else. But, if someone calls you an ugly stupid jerk and you respond by just saying “So” or “And” you are not giving the other person’s pain more fuel…and by not giving into your own fears of inadequacy, you will not feed anyone’s pain and can actually create a loving space for them to figure it out. Will they get it right away? Probably not but that’s not for you to worry about. Don’t let the behavior of others change who you are. If you remain in a grounded place of love and compassion, these little ego dramas that pop up around you will eventually stop…because you don’t give them power. Add to that you positive intent to no longer be pulled into such dramas and do so because you wish to be loving and compassionate to bring more peace into your own life and you will be amazed at how interactions begin to go more smoothly for you.

So, to end on a good note…we can all be loving individuals. We can all use love to heal our pain. We can all express love and lead by example by loving ourselves and creating a loving space around us so that others can find love. If you get confused by the many seeming facets of love, know it’s all just misaligned perceptions…there is one love…that deep sentimental and affectionate feeling that gives light, life and hope to this world. You can be part of that and live your part of that at any time you choose. With much love and light to you and yours, have a blessed day!

Light

Last night I stepped out into the moonlight.  The night was cool and in the western sky I saw smoky orange clouds painted low on the horizon.  The stars were out twinkling so brightly and a sea breeze blew away all my worries from this week.  I slept peacefully, soundly with a smile inside of my heart.  When I woke up this morning, I stepped outside.  Warm cup of coffee in hand.  The birds were singing so sweetly in the darkness and I realized right then and there that the darkness does not hold fearful things but can just sometimes mask the beautiful things that are out there.

As I watched the sky fade from black to pale blue,  a smile rose from deep inside of me again.  It’s a new day and the rising sun always leaves me with this feeling of pure elation.  I have my worries like everyone else does but a brand new day always feels like such a precious gift that I just cannot hold onto the worries and fears.  I have to let them go as the light of the sun on a brand new day spills its light wildly  in every direction.  Gratitude is the greatest healing balm to the soul.  Don’t ever forget that.

Our view is always shaped by the thoughts we hold in our hearts.  I speak the truth here so please understand…holding worries in your heart is like turning off the lights and trying to walk through life in the dark.  Holding hope, having faith in you dreams and seeing the infinite possibilities in your life is like shining the sun’s light on your path.  You control that.  Did you know? 

If you were to look at the postings from the wonderful friends and associations I have on my Facebook site, one thing you would notice is the high volume of some very positive thinkers pushing a positive message throughout the day every day.  They learned a secret a long time ago as I did.  Life can seem so bleak, scary, empty and lonely if you hold only those thoughts in your heart.  But, if you change them around, you will see the light begin to shine.  Everything you experience may seem to be randomly placed upon your path to contend with and perhaps it may seem like you  have no control and some of those things may leave you feeling very out of control.  However, your thoughts and choices as well as actions are yours.  You can see the sunlight and yet feel only sadness for whatever reason or you can see the sunlight and let it fill you with hope, with faith and with the creative and loving thoughts you need to help you make it through whatever part of the journey you are on.

There were so many times in my life where I did not know nor understand that my thoughts and even my emotions (which are so very closely connected) were a choice that I made.  All the conflict I suffered painfully I look back on now and see how I made the choices I made…I thought the thoughts I held during those times.  And now, for mere moments things might get me down temporarily but I immediately stop blaming the world for not being exactly what I wanted and I accept it on its terms, I accept me and my thoughts and reactions on my terms and then I strive to see things in the most positive light possible.  It doesn’t make my bills disappear but it does restore my faith and trust that I will always find a way to take care of my obligations and responsibilities no matter what.  I take nothing for granted and appreciate every blessing that crosses my path and dawns on my consciousness and with such a mind set, I might make mistakes along the way but I will never fail.  So you, you may make mistakes but it’s your life…it’s okay to make mistakes…just learn and start to look for the many blessings in every situation…hold positive thoughts…see those points in time and in life that you were gratefully carried by some seemingly unseen force until you were strong enough to walk again.

Life is amazing.  Find love in your heart for something, for anything from a tiny blade of grass to the all of a deep and clear cerulean sky and you will be amazed at how much smoother life seems to go and even if you should find bumps in the road and hills to climb, your positive thoughts will help you meet your challenges and lessons with courage and strength instead of fear and trepidation.  Every experience in life refines your spirit in ways more important than I can possibly explain.  Don’t dwell on the pain…feel it, move through it and embrace the light in your life.  If you can’t see any light, open your eyes and look for it.  You’ll find it.  Many blessings and much love to you.

Through the Eyes of Love-Part I

What does it mean to see things through the eyes of love? Well, it can mean many things in many different situations but always involves taking the high-road no matter how hard it is to climb up there. When you look at the world, people and situations through the eyes of love…you are looking with your soul and not reacting from your ego. To dig into that a little deeper you have to be able to broaden your perspective…expand from your own concerns, understand what is happening in the larger picture and respond to situations, people and the world instead of reacting. The ego makes us react almost always from a fearful victim place which tells us we must protect ourselves from the world. So, that is a very normal instinct but the way our ego’s have developed for all manner of reasons, we tend to overreact in some situations.

Take, for example, someone who insults you. Your natural tendency may be to react quickly and hurl an insult right back to make them hurt as much as they just hurt you. That perspective is totally a wounded reaction. If you were not feeling insecure somewhere, someone insulting you would not really matter. And, what if no insult was intended? If you knew that, would you still react? What if the person did mean to insult you—what if you knew they were very wounded inside and were actually just projecting as a cry for help? Would you still react? If you were looking through the eyes of love—at yourself and also at the individual who is insulting you, you could respond instead of react. Responding evokes a sense of control. Reacting evokes a sense of non-control. Also, when we sit in the space of the victim and feel like we are being victimized by the world, we have given away not only our ability to be accountable but we’ve also given away our power. Another thing, and this is a big one, is that when we react from a victimized state, we have already assumed that what someone said might be true or that someone was really calling out our weakest parts to the world. It’s not necessarily true. Many people project or transfer their pain onto us through insults and injury. We don’t have to give them any more power to feed their illness and pain by reacting or getting even (cut the addict off from their poison). In fact, we can respond by not responding, deflecting or asking them about how they are really feeling if we care to.

Another way we can see through the eyes of love is to treat people who are acting like children like children. What I mean is, if a baby in frustration hits you—do you, as an adult, hit the baby back? Of course not. We are patient and understand that the baby doesn’t know better so we set boundaries and teach them their actions are not okay and instead we strive to give them what they need. That is a great example of seeing a situation through the eyes of love. I could really go on but I think you get the point on this aspect of seeing through the eyes of love. There is so much more. This is really just the tip of the iceberg. I’ll write more about this in upcoming articles. So, I challenge you to think the next time conflict approaches you in human form-- How can you respond to the situation seeing it through the eyes of love? Think about it? Try a different approach and you might be amazed at what you find yourself capable of. I wish you much peace!

Drinking In Sunlight

I like spring sunsets out West.  As the sun sinks slowly into the horizon, for a time the sky is white hot, like liquid light almost.  The rays etch everything in a white golden light.  You would think an absence of color would not be very pretty but the details become so crisp and clear.  The leaves on the trees seem painted in sharp strokes, thin lines, beautiful dark contrasting with fiery light.  It really is breath-taking.  It reminds me, as everything seems to lately, that beauty is a matter of perspective, mind-set, frame of reference and so much more.  It can be so very complicated trying to understand how it’s rare, so rare for two people to take in the same view and see it differently.  One may see magic and beauty beyond description and one may just see blinding light requiring sun glasses to cut down the glare.  I’m standing outside barefoot in the grass, closing my eyes and watching the colors play behind my eyelids…hot pink, magenta, indigo blue and I open my eyes and the blinding beauty of the setting sun returns.

It’s been a good day.  A long one and I’m tired but it was beautiful.  I’m reminded in this moment of desires and constraints…when you want something so much and yet there seems to be miles of distance and too much time between you and the object of your desire.  It’s not an easy place to be but then a very dear soul to me told me just recently that things happen on God’s time and not ours.  The thought can really tend to make you relax a bit if you trust it.  I do…as uncomfortable as it sometimes seems.  I think I can only because I know first-hand that everything in life happens in its own time, in it’s own season and for very good reason and well, who am I to question?  I can always set my intent, hope, pray and imagine the best, sweet victory and the tragedy of waiting will one day seem like nothing.  Sometimes I think that your attitude counts for more than experience in life.  You can have all the experience in the world but if you have a crappy attitude, everything you do means nothing to you but grief and pain.  Why would you do that to yourself, I often think.  It just doesn’t make much sense.  Maybe some people see no point in searching for silver linings.  I do. I’ve walked on the dark side.  I’ve seen pain, tragedy and gut wrenching depression and I remember the thoughts that precipitated those feelings and I remember the negative outlook that brought me to my knees.  It wasn’t life bringing me unlucky tidings.  It was me and my negative thoughts that made me fall…and fall, and fall.

Never again!  I’ve seen the light…literally speaking and when the dark days dawn, as they often do, I’m not afraid and I smile even when walking underneath the darkest storm clouds.  I’ve got something life cannot take from me…my reason to smile.  It comes from inside and it’s like a little game I play with me sometimes.  When the world gets really tough and seeming to spin wildly on it’s axis, I laugh at the anxiety and fear.  They are really funny things.  They cannot live where I will not let them.  I feel them like everyone else does, but I really do take the time to think it through and then  I just decide to choose differently for no other reason than I can.  There was a time I didn’t know I had a choice.  But, now that I know, there is no turning back.  My world is amazing not because I’m lucky or blessed.  What makes me blessed and lucky is my ability to choose to see things differently.  I don’t need sunglasses to dim this glorious light I’m so very alive to witness this day.  I wish only to drink it in because it makes me smile.  Well, and I also wish that others might find their way to this place I’m in right now.  I didn’t have to go far to get there…I just had to go inside my own mind long enough to dispel negative thoughts with positive ones.  I’ll tell you, even when it rains, I’ve got sunshine inside.  Even when I get down or bad things happen, I just move through the pain of it and let it fall away choosing to see the wisdom in a situation, the life lesson and I smile knowing “this too shall pass.”  And…it does, it always does.

I hope you enjoy the sunlight where ever you are.  Smile and be happy just because you can!  Many blessings to you and yours!

Sunrise Contemplations and Dreams

The silver waning crescent moon hangs low in a dark southwestern sky. The air cool and damp as I stand gazing intently at a brand new day dawning. I slept well but feel as sure as I’m breathing, my mind was busy with thoughts, working through plans and dreams. How easy it would be to curl back up in bed and dream some more. I waiver on my decision to wake for a few seconds, then take a sip of warm delicious coffee and decide it’s time to keep the day rolling. The sky is fading from black into the deepest blue just now and I see my friends, a sea of twinkling stars. My consciousness goes up and out beyond my reality, it’s into the stars and across the miles, time and distance with purpose and intent to reach out for a dream. I reach it in seconds, I can feel it but I cannot yet touch it. It is not time but soon will be. These moments of gratitude in the early morning hours, to the 7 directions…deepest, deepest gratitude for all that I have, all that I am and all that I am able to give.

This world is an amazing place. Amongst the chaos you can grab a piece of stillness and sit in quiet contemplation. You can focus on the stars, shining so bright and so far way. You can dwell in the past, the present or the future as much as you choose to. Me, I’m right here in the present walking among ethereal clouds on another plane of existence just now. I have some place to go and someone to see. We meet in this place for now, as we have at other times in distant past in thought and in concept. My world comes alive with the sun’s first fiery rays spilling across the sky in every direction. It represents this swirling of emotion in my heart that comes truly from the center of my soul. I am alive right here in this moment, entranced by my Creator’s most beautiful display of timeless power and completely in awe at His infinite wisdom. Would that I could shift my form and fly like a bird on the wind just now. I’d fly straight toward the sun, take a small turn on a ray of light and reach the direction I most wish to be going.

Soon I will get there, so soon the time will come and until then I stand here...spirit slowly, unwillingly returning to my body, grateful for the journey, to touch this essence in spirit is beyond mere mortal words…its thoughts come in the language of the heart that just cannot be spoken. I am so very much at peace in this moment. I am so very aware of and can feel everything about this moment in time. I smile and get ready to go about my day somewhat unwillingly but as time passes, the closer my dream becomes a reality in my world, and I realize it is no longer just a dream.

Consider your dreams. What are they? What do they mean to you? Can you close your eyes and reach out and touch them? Have you tried? You should! It feels like magic and with that feeling, you can make them come true. Believe!