Saturday, April 10, 2010
Through the Eyes of Love-Part I
Take, for example, someone who insults you. Your natural tendency may be to react quickly and hurl an insult right back to make them hurt as much as they just hurt you. That perspective is totally a wounded reaction. If you were not feeling insecure somewhere, someone insulting you would not really matter. And, what if no insult was intended? If you knew that, would you still react? What if the person did mean to insult you—what if you knew they were very wounded inside and were actually just projecting as a cry for help? Would you still react? If you were looking through the eyes of love—at yourself and also at the individual who is insulting you, you could respond instead of react. Responding evokes a sense of control. Reacting evokes a sense of non-control. Also, when we sit in the space of the victim and feel like we are being victimized by the world, we have given away not only our ability to be accountable but we’ve also given away our power. Another thing, and this is a big one, is that when we react from a victimized state, we have already assumed that what someone said might be true or that someone was really calling out our weakest parts to the world. It’s not necessarily true. Many people project or transfer their pain onto us through insults and injury. We don’t have to give them any more power to feed their illness and pain by reacting or getting even (cut the addict off from their poison). In fact, we can respond by not responding, deflecting or asking them about how they are really feeling if we care to.
Another way we can see through the eyes of love is to treat people who are acting like children like children. What I mean is, if a baby in frustration hits you—do you, as an adult, hit the baby back? Of course not. We are patient and understand that the baby doesn’t know better so we set boundaries and teach them their actions are not okay and instead we strive to give them what they need. That is a great example of seeing a situation through the eyes of love. I could really go on but I think you get the point on this aspect of seeing through the eyes of love. There is so much more. This is really just the tip of the iceberg. I’ll write more about this in upcoming articles. So, I challenge you to think the next time conflict approaches you in human form-- How can you respond to the situation seeing it through the eyes of love? Think about it? Try a different approach and you might be amazed at what you find yourself capable of. I wish you much peace!