Sunday, February 15, 2015
Are You Giving Just to Get? How's That Going For you?
Do you give in your life only to get something in return? In this article we’re going to explore the conscious energetic flow of the mind sets of giving to give and giving to get. It is important to understand flow and how you create what you truly desire in life. It requires a lot of courage to take a cold hard look at your own actions and see where you truly are. Are you ready? Are you certain? Okay, let’s dig in.
There is an unspoken psychology as to which side of the fence you sit on and in actuality either one can be healthy or unhealthy depending upon your own motives. When you can strike that balance of health reality and positive frame of reference to begin with, you are “in-flow” and create an entirely different set of circumstances than when you are out of balance, in a fearful or negative frame of reference to begin with and are “out-of-flow.” So, how does this really work? First, you have to understand your own internal messaging a little bit and you have to understand your true motives and beliefs. If you do not know your true self and your true motives, your outcomes will never match your expectations. So, the whole “Law of Attraction” or “Secret” work that you may engage in with passion after studying up will not matter a hill of beans to you if you don’t first understand how you negatively create.
First of all Quid Pro Quo – I give and you give back to me is a heavy expectation but it’s not so bad if both parties mutually agree and give consent in a clear state of full and fair disclosure. If you go into the agreement as such then both agree to conditions and terms of giving and reciprocation and you might see some gains. If you give with unspoken expectations you are ultimately giving from a state of fear or lack or from a psychological need to control or be controlled…sometimes this one is even pure manipulation in action and it carries over into every area of life. If you give for gain only, that giving is conditional and will only interrupt the natural flow. You may see some gains but you'll likely experience more loss and disappointment in the end, not to mention create sometimes a bit of conflict verbal or otherwise.
If you give, give for the beauty and flow of the feeling of giving. Give in a space of benevolence, of abundance and of positive frame regardless of what comes back. When you give from this space, what you give comes back to you and often ten fold.
Important to note is that when you give just for gain or to get, that also comes right back to you and locks you into this give-get-give-get without necessarily getting the truly good stuff “in-flow” with the positive circulation of thought and energy. I know it may sound hokey or New Agey but the New Age wisdom isn’t actually new. Our ancient philosophers understood this and ancient schools of thought promoted this concept – “give for the flow of giving.”
Now, I do not suggest any human being become a giving door mat. If you find yourself in such a space, you may be unconsciously giving to get. Follow your heart when it comes to giving that is how you stay “in-flow.” Follow the ego solely in terms of your giving for gain and you will be trapped in a space of conditional giving – the old axiom says it best – I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine. This might work in some places but the energy forces one person potentially to do something that forces them to potentially cross their own boundaries just to achieve a goal or gain favor with you. This interferes with "in-flow" behavior.
I suggest to you that if you are giving in order to obligate someone to reciprocate, you are operating from a sense of lack and you’ll continually find yourself in conflict with the flow and in fact, will be disrupting your own. When you give, “in-flow” with no expectation, what you give comes back to you. Some like to call this Karmic law but it’s more than that and we are by far greater than that. If you want benevolence, be benevolent. If you want unconditional appreciation and respect, be that and give that with no strings attached. This is not to say that if you offer a service for money and you set that out clearly and honestly in advance and consenting adults agree to this kind of reciprocal and conditional contract is a problem, it isn’t. And, such a contract mutually agreed upon is not negative manipulation outside of the flow. When you say, “I did this for you, now you must do something for me” you are outside of the flow. You are outside of the flow because you assumed mutual contractual agreement. In such cases you create from an unhealthy state. A way to avoid this is to obtain mutual consent, clarify mutual agreement first, be open and honest and fully disclose in advance to stay “in-flow.”
In this world there are givers and there are takers. Some will take, take, take while you just give, give, give. Don’t worry about them so much. Start to focus on any beliefs or assumptions you have made about a contractual agreement or mutual reciprocation for your giving if that is what you desire and you will keep yourselves “in-flow.” Keeping yourself “in-flow” is what keeps your giving coming back to you. It’s funny how it works. Give from a good place within you -- a place that wants to feel good for giving. If you want someone to give back, say so before you give or you risk much disappointment. Unspoken expectation is like a retroactive contract clamped on someone like an iron cage and it truly is a recipe for disaster and is actually a very nasty form of manipulation. That also stops your natural positive flow.
Keep something in mind - while you may naturally be conscientious and one who automatically returns favors given honorably and honestly, not every one is. Judging others by how you behave will also take you out of flow. To stay "in-flow" you need to understand that all of humanity is motivated differently, have different levels of awareness as well as the ability for consideration. Just tuck that knowledge away and then act accordingly.
So, take a look at your motivations, clarify your intention, speak it to those from which you are hoping to gain, be honest, hold yourself to a high standard of integrity, honor and honesty and in your dealings express that this is what you require if you are desiring a contractual type exchange (and this includes the relationship arena as well). If you can do this, those onboard have an opportunity to join with you “in-flow” or decide to opt out and they should be permitted the free will to opt-out and your allowance will maintain your “in-flow” actions and behavior.
In life, we win some and we lose some. We lose more by unspoken expectation, giving from a place of fear and manipulating others for our needs dishonestly. Just some food for thought beautiful dreamers. Question your motives, question your actions, question the motives of others not in a paranoid manner but in an honest and honorable manner. Confirm your agreements and expectations before you assume that people will return what you give. Quid pro quo should be agreed to openly and not assumed, expected or retroactively imposed. If you are uncertain about whether an unspoken contract is being imposed upon you, notice how your body feels about this if your mind cannot grasp it or is confused. Stand in your own light and question obligations you are not ready to take on and say so if you are not consenting to the contract or obligation. You get to choose what you will or won't participate in as well as create.
© 2015, Jaie Hart