Thursday, October 21, 2010
A nearly full moon seems to unfold from behind fading storm clouds. The night is cool and I’m just in awe of this energy tonight. It is so incredibly peaceful—absolutely delicious. I love times like these where the worries of the world just seem to lose themselves in a beautiful night sky. So many times have I sat alone under the stars, gazing at the moon and in a silent exchange, telling her all my troubles. The sparkling silvery light melts the anxiety that seems to permeate my soul sometimes. City life can be hard on a soul. There is always so much clattering, shattering and rush that it takes a very concerted effort to break the chains and set the mind soaring up and into the sky. Sometimes I wonder if we were ever meant to evolve the way we have.
I leave those thoughts trailing behind me as I gaze up again into the sky and watch the clouds inch ever so slowly across vantage point. Sitting here quietly, I hear the city stirring and churning but I don’t feel that, I just observe it. I realize sitting here how important it is to get outside and not only see the sky but feel it with every inch of my being. Under the stars its so easy to stretch your energy out beyond your local concerns and feel the heart beat of the planet. It’s beating ever so strongly, deep, constant and if you sit there long enough, your own heart beats in time and your soul fills with light. It s a good feeling, it leaves me so giddy. Yeah, I’m weird like that, it’s okay.
We are not meant to be trapped under fluorescent lights all day long, come home – do the chores and go to sleep. We were meant for so much more. Our work life can become our identity if we are not careful and careful to avoid that is what we should always be! We are not our jobs, we are not the possessions we own and we are not the company we keep. We are alive, we breathe, we love and we live. We are so connected to this Earth and connected to each other. That is a great comfort on a night like tonight. The things I do and the places I go to and see mean nothing if I cannot maintain a sense of my own soul. I’ve been lost for so long in being a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter and so many other labels. These things never did define me, I just thought they did. I’ve learned so much under each of those labels but most of all I’ve learned to forget about what the outside world thinks. Notice I said forget. I have not yet come to a place I can transcend wounds from words intended to harm me. I understand where they come from and that understanding quickly brings compassion to the door of my heart and then comes forgiveness and then comes forgetting. On a night like this, I forget and remember things interchangeably. I catch glimpses of things I once thought so important and yet here staring up at the moon, none of that really meant anything at the end of the day. Well, except for maybe another lesson learned.
I’ve been writing a lot about plays and roles and not taking things personally. I write about these things because I struggle with them at first until I strive to understand. Then I can let go. Lucky for me I am surrounded by so many beautiful souls who give of themselves so freely to not only remind me of what is really important but anyone else willing to stop their insanity and listen, consider and change their perspective. Life isn’t always easy but finding peace can be. You can walk through the middle of chaos and find the eye of the storm where you can breathe freely. You don’t disconnect but rather connect to it in a different way, understand the purpose, keep on walking and learning and growing. And I just can’t write any more, the moon beckons me to stay a little while longer. Where ever you are and whatever you are doing, be well, be peaceful and grab yourself a piece of the beautiful night sky and drink it in. Much love and many blessings!~