The concept outlined in the title above comes from a
beautiful soul, Thich Nhat Hanh and you can read the details in a wonderful
little book of his titled “be free where you are.” I was shopping for books last weekend to
study for a Masters program I’m working on and this little book caught my
eye. The title caught my eye because for
my own reasons I was considering some of my own thoughts about being trapped and had begun to realize that my
prison was merely a matter of untamed thoughts and not really a reality. The above title comes from a chapter in Thich Nhat Hanh's book.
This particular chapter resonated so much
with me that I had to write about it. So,
what does this beautiful soul mean when he says, “Understanding Makes
Compassion Possible?” As we experience
each other through our daily interactions, we will meet all kinds of
people. We’ll meet those who are loving,
giving, forgiving and compassionate.
We’ll also meet those who are hateful, selfish, vengeful and
unfeeling. It is what it is – that’s
just life on Earth. Through
understanding that those before you (who may be exhibiting the negative
attributes I’ve written about above) are suffering too in some way just like
you, you begin to open the door to compassion.
Once you let compassion in by throwing that door open ever wider, you become
free in so many ways.
It is hard to be compassionate when suffering souls are
doing everything they can to seemingly wreck your day. However, as surely as I’m sitting here
breathing and typing out my thoughts, you can learn how to open that door and
free yourself from the prison of giving your power away through vengeance,
revenge, vindictive or equally offensive behavior in reaction to a situation
you experience with a soul who is in pain.
I’ve written this before and so have many others: Hurt people hurt people. That is just the way of things here on
Earth. If you arm yourself through
understanding and its resulting compassion, you can free yourself from much
needless and energy wasting drama.
But
here is the thing, everyone has their role here to play, scenes to act out and
lessons to learn. There is no right way
or wrong way to handle people, situations or interactions with one
exception. If you have a specific
expectation, what you do in your actions will result in a reaction or
consequence. Through understanding you
might learn that if you push the buttons of grumpy or wounded people, they may
take a swing at you. Or, through even
greater understanding you might learn than wounded people might take a swing at
you just because you are standing there whether or not you push their buttons.
Some people become angry and upset because they suffer. Adding insult to injury does not solve a
problematic interaction. Understanding,
compassion and love for self and others can solve a problem just maybe not
exactly the way you expect. It’s
possible that you may find you have to hold compassion and understanding for
yourself and move yourself away from people who trigger your reactions until
you can learn not to react. Again, there
is no right or wrong way to handle an interaction but there are consequences
for actions and when suffering is involved, adding more suffering doesn’t
help. Should wounded people seek
assistance to ease their suffering?
Sure. But, what if they do not
know how? What if they do not know that they are suffering? What if they are so lost in their suffering
they don’t even know where to begin?
Will you adding to their suffering make you or them better? Ask yourselves these questions. Ask yourself if a situation you face needs understanding, compassion, love, space or
thoughtful discussion.
I find that I sometimes must hold compassion from a distance
with those who trigger me. I do reserve the
right to set boundaries but would make every attempt to do so kindly, lovingly
and diplomatically no matter what someone else has done. Sometimes I may be stressed or irritable and
react instead. I don’t like how I feel
when I react in such situations and start to feel the prison doors of emotion begin to shut me in again. I do
like how I feel when I make an effort to understand what is really happening,
when I can move beyond my assumptions and perceptions and reach for the truth
and set an intent for compassion. I wish
to do no harm in this world and I’m sure there is no shortage of people who
might say I was evil incarnate. I can’t worry
about what other people think. I can
only do my level best to seek understanding, try my best to be kind and do
whatever I can to find compassion in my dealings. When I can find a way to do this, I free
myself from the prison that reactive emotions of anger, disappointment and pain create. It’s hard not to let the ego step in and
fight back but sometimes you have to stop and think that it may very well be
that the grown up before you is actually a very wounded child on the inside. Would you take a swing at a wounded
child? I wouldn’t and I wouldn’t because
I couldn’t live with myself if I did. I
would put myself back into an emotional prison I truly wish to be free
from. I have found that the
understanding and compassion in the book above has always set me free. When I forget, I change course and right my
actions and strive to stay compassionate.
I am not perfect but realize I am perfect in my imperfection and so is
everyone else I interact with. As I
suffer, so too have they suffered. I do
not wish to participate in creating suffering.
I truly wish to leave everything and everyone in better shape when we
part ways than before we met. Does it
always work out that way from one side or the other? No.
Not always. But the intent is
always there regardless.
I’ve always been so very impressed with the loving words of
Thich Nhat Hanh. I can tell you that on
more than one occasion, his words saved my life from an emotional perspective. I just wanted to share this piece of his
wonderful wisdom with you in my own way. Please understand something of vital importance though. It is not understanding, loving or compassionate to self to become a self-sacrifice to those who engage in violent or emotionally abusive actions. The consequence of those kinds of actions may need to be you setting a boundary that results in demonstrating true love for yourself and true love for the other person by moving away to a place they can do you no further harm. There is a chasm of difference between holding compassion and being a doormat. Please strive to understand this difference. Your first order of business is to discover your self-love, hold compassion for self and then you will know how to love and hold compassion for others without becoming a human sacrifice.
Love can change a lot of things but it cannot change psychology from a one-sided perspective (meaning that if the other party continues to throw punches out of fear and pain, that you stand there until you are bruised and bloody). You can still be loving and compassionate by refusing to engage, refusing to participate and do the right thing by all involved with love in your heart.
~Blessings of understanding,
compassion and great love beautiful souls.
© 2014 Jaie Hart (photo/words), all rights reserved.
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