Sunday, January 5, 2014

Are You Living Your Dream or Someone Else's Idea of It?

Many things have I learned as I look back and many things it seems I have forgotten.  I have counted myself road weary without understanding truly how stamina and strength are built.  I have counted myself fearful due to the anxiety in my core in facing this lesson or that lesson without understanding truly that that is just exactly how courage is created because despite the anxiety, you forge ahead.  I have been tired and tried, judged and persecuted and once thought myself victimized.  I didn’t know these things are how character and success in learning about the true belief of one’s self are built.  There are no victims but creations, actions and consequences with which we must deal for a good reason even if it takes a while to find the good.

I look back again with fresh eyes and see what I once thought as negative challenges I had to face are but lessons in life that taught me things that are just absolutely invaluable to me.  I grew up poor but it taught me to know that “things” are not everything.  I grew up neglected but it taught me how to stand on my own.  I grew up judged and harshly so but it did teach me what it means to be humble and right or wrong, that was a valuable lesson.  I grew up feeling isolated for what I contended with but later on I learned that was all in my head because everyone else had their challenges to overcome too and that they were just that, challenges to overcome.

I went so far beyond the lines I drew for myself succeeding every step of the way but without the proper framework of understanding, my success did not bring me happiness.  In fact, I found that it made me quite miserable.  So, I began to allow the shifting and transformation of thought to occur and before me what now seems like turmoil is truly only the creative stuff from which the truer success I ultimately desire can be born.  By truer success I do not mean power, position or money, I mean happiness.  I will admit that I struggle a bit with trepidation for what I face but deeper down I know that trepidation is only fear and fear can be transformed with love.  In love, I have the greatest confidence!

I have overcome insurmountable odds time and time again beating myself up in the process for not doing it in the traditional sense.  I allowed others to beat me up as well and to define me as unworthy and sadly, believing them while struggling all the harder to attain something I was told I could never achieve.  It wasn't ever really even my dream but rather something I was told I could never achieve and so I sought to prove them wrong (egotistical pursuit = waste of energy and time).  At one time I’d have said I was proud to achieve what I have and in some small ways I still am but I see my premise was flawed and I can lovingly allow myself that.  I began from a place of fear and a place of feeling not good enough just to prove to others that I was good enough to do something I didn't ever really want for myself.  Well, I did more than that, I proved to myself they were wrong about me and I need never look to the outside world for validation again.  I learned that I could achieve whatever it is (spoiler alert) I set my mind and heart towards achieving.  Therein lies the keys.  I need never again operate from a place of lack or fear by developing any need to prove anything to myself or to anyone else.  Nothing in the outside world compares to what we create for ourselves inside.

I find today in this moment that success means something different to me now than it did more than 20 years ago.  Success means one can engage in their livelihood with passion in their hearts along side those who support you without the need to manipulate you through fearful or insulting statements or pleasant ones to make you falsely feel about you anything different than the truth of who you really are.  I have learned that those who are wounded will attack you and those who want something from you will manipulate you with kindness to get what they want (Guard the ego false positive and negative statements).  I have also learned that true success is happiness in action in one’s life from which one can give more to everyone and everything around them.  True success is being who and what you truly are and doing meaningful work whether real work or project work or simply just enjoying what one has.

I’ve come to a pivotal point in my own self-development and I have to say, I’ve not handled it so well lately.  I’ve allowed stress (resistance) to take hold without questioning it’s true source.  I was simply unhappy.  I was successful by another man’s terms but not by my own.  It’s time for changes and I’m so happy for these realizations.  I can correct my thinking and embrace an outcome that is better suited towards my own desires.  I know the power of making up one’s mind and heart and pursuing a dream.  I now have different dreams, simpler dreams and I shall hold the pictures of these close, with love in my heart and a smile on my face.  I may have made some terrible mistakes up to this point in my life but I see each one as a step towards the truer success I most wish to hold (and hold, I will).  I cannot fail if I never refuse to dream and then never refuse to try.  Every step and breath matters, every thought and attitude matters and every way in which a soul takes care of themselves and others matters.  Nothing goes unseen in this universe.  It is a beautiful place and we are so fortunate to be here at this time.  What we send out into the ether with our thoughts and feelings vibrates in a frequency that brings back to us in some form or manner what we send out.  I see how this is not a fancy new age belief untested but a fact.  I've lived it.

I’ll shift my thoughts for now into some quiet meditation.  Sipping coffee, contemplating my day spent with those I love makes me smile.  I live and breathe, I feel and compassion is the biggest part of my being.  Through that compassion it is my sincere hope that if you find any shred of unhappiness in your being that you be blessed with the ability to comb through your life and your thoughts and find those false beliefs and thoughts within you (that's right, it comes from within you and not in the outside world) that prevent your happiness.  Find and transform them and be forever changed for the good.  It really is that simple once you begin to understand how truly very powerful you are in creating what you experience here on Earth.  Hold positive thoughts, use positive words, look for silver linings when faced with setbacks and never give up on seeing what it is you most want and be grateful and so very appreciative for receiving it.  It’ll manifest soon.  All you have to do is believe.

Blessings of great joy, happiness and love beautiful souls.

(photo is mine and can be used with permission)

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