Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Beautiful Shades of Gray

Meandering along foggy shores I glance up now and then from the shell and pebbled white sand view as I place one foot in front of the other.  It’s hard to find any defining lines between the myriad shades of gray this day.  It all seems a bit of a blur this morning.  I stop a moment, breathe in deep the brine tinged misty air and gaze out to sea. I know it’s there even if my vision is obscured by billions of dense floating miniscule droplets of water.  I can hear the rush of the waves to the shore as if they are ferociously hurried for some reason.  Some may think that such a gray morning lacks in beauty but I can assure you it’s quite beautiful.  Monotone isn’t often attractive to folks who need something to catch the eye and busy the brain with thoughts.  I find on such gray days my brain gets a break from the assault of glorious and vibrant colors that generate emotion immediately on sight.  This gray morn, I’m content just to be outside even if buffeted by a continuous gusting breeze.  I don’t care if it’s cold or that as each 5 minute block escapes me, I’m becoming more drenched by this watery sky, the mist from the waves and then I feel cold to the core and I think to myself that it’s not all that unpleasant in this moment.  Not a soul in sight I find a space in the sand and I kneel down into it sinking deep.  I notice immediately the complete lack of warmth, at least for a few moments.  The sand warms very soon as I sit motionless. 

After years of change I prayed for a break, for solace and silence and I glance up at a dark sky with the biggest smile on my face and whisper, “Thank you” to my Maker so grateful for the peace.  I look down and find a coral colored shell and pick it up.  It’s nearly as big as the palm of my hand and is the only color outside of my gray surrounds and the dark blue I’ve covered myself in today.  My mind drifts through the waves of memories not unlike that tiny little fishing boat out there coming closer to the shore.  I can’t see it but I can hear it’s bell.  I’m grateful to be planted firmly on the shore striving to melt unseen into the scenery.  I have succeeded I believe as a runner didn’t see me until almost too late to avoid a collision.  I smiled when I said good morning.  The runner kept running and some gulls overhead have caught my attention forgetting the near calamity.

There are just some days where I have nothing to say. There is just too much emotion and too many thoughts running rampant inside of my being.  I’m satisfied in my silence and all of this gray.  It’s almost as if I’ve wished the whole world away and I have this moment that goes on forever.  It’s a bit of a frightening thought, the “going on forever” part.  I wince at the thought and then let it go.  I’m feeling very ancient suddenly and decided to opt for the warmth of my vehicle parked just a short mile’s walk away.  I stand and brush the sand off of my being and gaze still out into the mists.  The ocean seems to speak in energy that is hard to articulate but it’s a greeting of sorts and a sentiment that says, “Don’t give up hope yet dear dreamer, you’re not finished here yet.”  I smile and turn away from the shore, make my way to the cliffs and begin climbing the rocks with limbs that don’t seem to have any feeling in them.  I finished my climb laughing at myself at my struggle to climb with frozen feeling fingers and toes.  I stopped at the top and gazed once more out to sea.  A break in the clouds sent a single shaft of glittering light into the ocean.  I smiled to myself and somehow felt the warmth of that one single ray of sunlight.  “It’s a beautiful day,” I thought silently within.

(c) 2013 Jaie Hart (photo and words)

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