Thursday, December 11, 2008

Spark Of Hope

Yesterday morning I saw a shooting star in the darkest part of the morning just before dawn. It was beautiful as it shot across the sky. I stood their warm inside my leather jacket with a nice hot cup of coffee in hand. This morning I did the same thing only no shooting stars today. Just a heaviness in my heart for lessons passed, people transitioning from this life to the next, a seven year old Kaylie diagnosed with Leukemia undergoing her first round of chemo therapy this morning, the homeless men down by the Huntington Beach Pier, the "crazy woman" as they call her who sleeps on the beach every night, the party animals chasing the tail of an illusive dragon down at the bars on Main street every night, my brother who has given everything to crystal meth, my dad who gave his life to the bottle, my mom who is working on giving hers to the same master, for the thousands upon thousands being layed off right now just before Christmas, for the families of the soldiers on all sides of conflict, for the stray animals without loving families, for the broken hearted, for the angry and the injured. The weight of the world is by far to heavy for me to carry and so I'm not sure why I try. Maybe it's this big stupid heart of mine that just cannot exist in this life indifferent and oblivious. I wish it could. But then, I wouldn't really be human. So, rather than expend energy feeling sorry for all the down-trodden and troubled, today and for this whole season I'll send energy that the spark of life and hope inside of them all burns brightly, that they find and follow their truth, do their duty to themselves and their families, their countries and more.

The world can be such a big daunting and scary place. Living life can be an arduous task sometimes but it isn't without purpose. I can't tell you what that purpose is but I know with every breath in me there is purpose even if I can't specifically name it. Maybe that's blind faith, I don't really care but it gives me hope to keep on going even on dark days where the thunder clouds tend to follow me around...I enjoy the change in the proverbial weather because the contrast helps me to appreciate warmth and sunshine. You can't appreciate one without the other that defines the dark defining the light, the light defining the dark so-to-speak. It's an interesting way to look at things. The trick, I continually write about is doing our best to maintain a state of equanimity, balance, centeredness whether you are struck with joy or sorrow. You really do get to choose how far from your center you allow your emotions to carry you. Some of us are more challenged than others at asserting that choice but it can be done either on your own or assisted by trained professionals. I wish more would seek out that help but they are afraid, indifferent or in denial. That's okay, send them love...that's all you can do.

My focus must return to my immediate concerns as I get my children ready for school and get myself off to work. I'm grateful for my job and all of the stress that goes with it. I'm grateful to be a mother and for all the stress that goes with it. Both are a labor of love for me that I do truly treasure. Again, warm cup of coffee in hand, a few more sips and I'm out the door. I'll drop off the girls, head for the office with the music up loud. I'll sing to the music, ignore the traffic, watch the gorgeous fiery colors of sunrise and breathe in contentment for the opportunity to be alive. I'll send up prayers for all the folks who need them and I'll give this day the best I can give it and then return to my little family and the peace I feel inside the tiny walls of my little home.

Be peaceful and hopeful today.

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