Thursday, December 4, 2008

Ethereal View

I noticed a pair of hawks in flight from my office window today. I watched them circling around in a warm air current for quite a while in between meetings. It was peaceful, so very peaceful.

I spoke warmly today with co-workers. Despite the stress and strain of corporate existence, I deeply respect the folks I work with and most interactions are truly a joy. I liked that about my day, especially today.

As I was getting on the freeway to come home, I watched a large pastel peach sun sinking behind gray and pink hazy atmosphere. The light thrown through the fine particles of moisture in the air gave the whole sky an ethereal glow and the clouds parting just above the setting sun shone electric silver and like liquid white light in the sky. It was an amazing view, breathtaking. Had I not been driving I'd have taken a picture with my cell phone. But I have the memory.

I have a lot of those playing through my mind just now. Maybe its the season, the winter of reflection of all of those things collected over the year, processed and learned. It grows dark so soon now with not much daylight to be had and no time for tennis, sadly.

I've a strange feeling of letting things go. Things that once made me anxious are slipping away. It's not that I don't care any more it's that I suddenly just don't care as much. It feels peaceful and I like it.

I came home to my kids and made dinner as soon as I walked in the door. All I heard was fighting with the oldest being mean to the younger ones just because she was in a bad mood and then I watched the younger ones acting rowdy and then being mean and bossy with eachother. I wince wondering where I went wrong but then I realize ego and emotion go hand in hand and no one can control the ego of another. I let go again, clean up the dishes and relax with a nice glass of cabernet and a vanilla cigarette.

Peace returns a bit again as I sit somehow in a position of observer in my own skin rather than a participant. I'm not sure when the shift occurred...maybe while watching the hawks in flight earlier. I realize I'm human and fallible but I love and I care, so I just do the best I can do in a day.

The crescent moon is out tonight, glowing dully behind misty skies. It's quiet out which is strange for a Thursday in this place. No matter, I like it and will just enjoy it for a time.

I'm watching my big furry black cat Zacky try to sharpen his claws on our metal stair railing...that's an interesting sight. It's quite a useless endeavor as he can't find purchase for his claws and it makes such a racket. So many parallels I could go off on here but I decide to save those thoughts for another time...breathe in the peace and quiet in this tiny moment, going back to my earlier ethereal view.

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