Forgive and Forget

Forgive and Forget - Most people misunderstand the meaning of this phrase and try to take or enforce it literally which, well, is really impossible...Especially on the forgetting part.  We can forgive and learn to let go but it is impossible to forget something that hurt you unless you have your memory erased or you have deconstructed the situation psychologically to a sufficient degree that enables you to no longer take insult or offense about something.  The latter can be done but takes some time and works only if you truly are no longer offended or insulted in your own mind.

To be honest, and I speak from experience, to forgive AND forget as it's typically understood isn't always the best course of action.  Well, again, the forgiving part is wonderful for you in particular but the forgetting part can't be done.  I'll give you a silly hypothetical example to illustrate my thought process.   I stuck my hand in the fire and it was horribly burned.  I was angry at the fire but decided I did not like how the anger felt along with my burns.  So, I allowed the burns to heal and the anger at the fire to dissipate.  I forgave the fire for burning me.  I forgave myself for sticking my hand in the fire.  Now, forgiveness is absolutely divine in this example.  However, I would be terribly unwise to forget that fire is hot and that the last time I stuck my hand in the fire, I was horribly burned.

Extrapolate this concept across to any given situation.  The idea is to forgive the other person who seemingly wronged you, forgive yourself fully for making a choice that resulted in you being wronged and then let go of all anger, frustration and negative energy created by whatever it was that required your forgiveness.  Carrying a grudge is very harmful to you energetically, emotionally and sometimes even physically and please don't get me started on vegeance.  Let go of the grudge and negative energy when you forgive.   If you do not wish to face the same anger and frustration, you will have to remember what you learned of the situation without having to relive the anger and frustration or consciously consent to it's repeat.  Forget the negative energy and animosity of the situation.  Forgiving and forgetting does not mean you are obligated to put yourself back in harm's way to do the "right thing" with forgiveness and forgetting.  We were blessed with memory for a reason.  Use it wisely to guide your decisions in the present.  Do forgive and forgive fully but do NOT forget the lesson you learned.


There are many additional examples in this world that will be obvious to you in demonstrating that forgiveness is good but forgetting may be a bad idea (check your local city police blotter if you want more ideas here).  The goal is to release yourself and another from the negativity you may hold concerning a situation or a wrong seemingly or actually done to you.  Everyone makes mistakes and forgiveness is a beautiful gift.  But you should not forget the lesson of the situation or it may repeat.  Forgive the grievance and forget the negative energy of it but always remember the lesson learned.  Simple, right?  ~Blessings of higher love and understanding.

(c) Jaie Hart 2012 (photo, random internet find)

So Choose Differently

Human interactions can be vexing and difficult for us at times.  We struggle day in and day out with the same themes with different people over and over again throughout our lives.  We don’t seem ever to give much thought as to the lesson that is the real reason behind a relational struggle.  We just either take the victim or villain stance and engage in preemptive strike, offense or defense as our minds dictate is necessary.  We even spend a lot of energy trying to force and change people around us to be more like we are and in our minds that might be considerate, loving and understanding.   But, if we do not have clue one about ourselves, who we are and what our purpose is here, forcing change on another is nothing but selfish self-created psycho drama to varying degrees.  If we could just learn to live and let live, we’d find our human interactions going so much more smoothly.

The truth is, you can absolutely guilt, shame and manipulate people into being who you want them to be.  While that might seem to go well for a little while, the forcing of inauthentic behavior in another can never gain your sustainable change and the soul you worked so hard to change and “make right” will only revert back to the true being they are for the full purpose they and you intended for them to be in your lives.  Without this understanding we spend lots of time angry, sad, depressed and sometimes even worse.  We are choosing this but so unconsciously that we are doomed to merely repeat the same dramas over and over again.  This cycle will continue until you have learned that it is truly your understanding that is lacking in a situation and your own selfish self-preservation at play that forces another soul to be who you want or need them to be for you.  In truth, you are much better served spending your time and energy understanding all of the themes at play in your life and why you might be creating them.  To begin to understand, consider...what is it that you most wanted to learn?  It must be something important to you or you would not find yourself in similar situations with people over and over again.  When you boil it down, the majority of the struggles are the same at the core.  What is at your core?

When you can learn to step outside of the fight for energy, the fight to be right, the desire to be externally validated by people who are incapable of authentically doing this for you, you free yourselves from the drama and embrace a life of understanding and peace.  When you get to this place, and you can get to this place, you begin to realize that you can live and let others live.  You will learn to see the energy and psycho dramas coming and you will be able to lovingly decide what you will or will not participate in.  You can set boundaries with love and understanding rather than in frustrated and emotionally desperate animosity.  It can be done.  Even when souls rail against your boundaries set with love and understanding, you still get to choose whether you will take it personally.  In time your response will be no different than when someone walks up to you and screams at you that you are purple and green and how dare you be purple and green.  You’d scratch your head, look at your skin and then begin to wonder why someone would become so upset with you that they would attack you for being purple and green when you know definitively you are not that.  And you will begin to understand that it isn't your job to change everyone's reality.  

So often we do not know what we do or why.  We just react.  We think when someone comes unhinged and treats us differently than we treat others that it diminishes us in some way.  It doesn’t.  Someone who disparages another for not behaving the way they think another should behave is not disparaging the object of their rant, they are in truth only disparaging themselves.  It’s hard to see this and to get the ego to conform to the truth of this thinking but hard things in life are more worth it than you could ever possibly imagine.  So, the next time someone slights you, insults you, treats you with disrespect, rather than retaliating with dagger thoughts and planned vengeance, seek to see the truth of what is transpiring.  Who are you in that moment and who is the other person in that moment?  Rethink and distill the moment down to the theme at play and seek understanding instead of defense or retaliatory thoughts.  The truth is there waiting for you to uncover it and/or choose to see it and when you do, often you will find there is no need for your anger, upset feelings or other derogatory emotions at all.  You will find you can retain and maintain a strong sense of peace and serenity no matter who stands before you with a lesson either they or you decided to learn.  There is a bigger picture but we choose to be mired in illusion.  We choose not to see.  We can choose differently.  So just choose differently.

(c) 2013 Jaie Hart - Photo random internet find

Home

Beautiful heart I see
All the things you truly desire
But what you most need is to know definitively
You already have that and so much more
Look there a little more openly
And pleasantly surprised you might be
Deep within your heart is love
And from there, beautiful loving thoughts are born
With every breath you take dear
Your life is filled with light
It only seems it isn't
When it is you who have chosen not to see
Be not disheartened
You'll again find your way
For love is the most powerfully permanent energy
In all of existence always and ever at your command
Breathe in the peace and joy of it
Let that smile flow from the heart of your soul
And let that be the light that steadily guides you
You search for home but what you have merely forgotten
Is that search for home is the love within you
You are not lost and there is no place to go
Sit quietly, breathe deep and embrace the heart of you

(c) 2013 Jaie Hart (photo, fortunate internet find)

Why Healing Matters

The wounded ego in hiding believes that it is made better by pointing out the shortcomings in others, in blame and in taking even a small measure of pleasure in someone else's pain.  The wounded ego in hiding does not know that in any statements or actions it takes to expose others, it only broadcasts to the world how wounded it truly is.  Wounded individuals do not deserve admonishment and being given the same medicine that created their wounds to begin with.  Any such actions only serve to reinforce the original wounds they suffered.  What they need is compassion and understanding.  What they need is for others to refuse to participate in any form of psycho-drama.  I find silence is often a valuable tool and my sentiments were so perfectly echoed by a dear friend this morning.  For a very personal reason, this topic is so very near and dear to me.  Any followers of my blog over time can attest to this topic being written about in different ways over time.

My motive is not one of exposure myself, but one of underscoring the true importance of finding those consequences of actions and seeing them for the message they are that internal healing is needed.  Those who criticize constantly, criticize themselves worst of all.  They may lie and say that is untrue but that is only because of a dire need to protect a very gentle, sensitive and wounded heart...or, in some cases, a soul unable to feel at all for other reasons.  In either case, adding more insult to injury does nothing but embroil one in negative energy and that does not promote any form of satisfactory or long-lasting happiness.  To discover those very sensitive wounds inside of us, where ever they may exist, is truly a blessing in disguise even if it doesn't feel like it.  When you see evidence of pain in you by the continual negative consequences of your actions, blaming the world, God, the Government, your Mother, Father, Sister or Brother or what-ever,  will do nothing to heal you.

It is okay to be wounded.  It happens to us all and there is no shame in suffering emotional pain.  Seeing it and seeking to heal it to prevent further damage to self or others is of the utmost importance.  If we cannot become aware of our wounds, seek out their true source, the true message those wounds bring to us and seek healing, we are doomed to remain asleep at the wheel of our lives.  This is tremendously sad and disheartening for so many...even innocent by-standers are affected.

Its a truly challenging part of our existence in this world - to deal with the pain we have suffered, the pain that has been inflicted by unaware souls.  It truly is tragic in many regards.  But, as Pollyanna-ish as it might sound, I truly believe that through education, understanding and compassion, we can all contribute to the healing of these wounds that seem to run rampant in humanity.  It takes only a moment of understanding to refuse to engage with a wounded soul in a way that might further their pain and only cause you more.  Realize that we all have a choice to make.  We can co-create in this world in a loving way with our Creator or we can rail against this world and the Source in tragic blame, shame, guilt, violence and much, much, much suffering.  The choice is ours and the sooner we all realize that it is, in fact, a choice, the sooner we can get on with the healing that needs to occur.

My heart goes out to every single soul who is mortally emotionally wounded and I pray every single day that the light of Source might find them and encourage them to seek solace in the loving light integrated into the wholeness of their being.  It is there whether acknowledged or not.  Some might say this is an absolute waste of my time and energy but I do not care.  Emotional wounds do nothing but inflict more pain in this world and too many souls in pain will only create more pain and more suffering for all to contend with.  Rather than bring myself to hate the hurtful, I instead send them only love.  I will not feed self-hatred.  I will not choose to perpetuate the problem.  I will seek to understand even if my own ego thinks it ought to engage and defend.  I will fight for understanding and compassion.  It's a hard road but a high road to take and no matter the result and no matter if people hate or despise me, I cannot contribute to their hatred with in-kind responses.  Mind you that it would be ill-advised to continually stand in arm's reach of those who feel the need to take a swing at you.  Sometimes, we have no choice but to love from afar.  Becoming angry and further wounded by souls who really don't mean you any harm intentionally, who truly do not know the harm they do or even those who do and don't care, makes no sense.  You do not have to engage in the hatred and negative energy that such souls create.  It doesn't help.  Remove yourself to a better state of understanding and in some cases, distant proximity.  I do not suggest excusing or accepting bad behavior in any regard.  Quite the contrary.  I suggest understanding and always personal boundaries.  There is no requirement that we choose to be human sacrifices of the mortally emotionally wounded.  Get to safety both emotionally or physically but do not engage in the darkness of hurtful thoughts.  If anything is truly evil in this world it is the blind hatred of the wounded and those who seek to retaliate in a complete lack of understanding.  Just my thoughts to share. ~Blessings beautiful dreamers for greater understanding, compassion and healing.  So be it!

(c) 2013 Jaie Hart (photo, beautiful internet find)

Accountability Affirmation:

Always must I be, responsible for me
If I make you accountable for how I feel
I have left myself bare, weak and powerless in this world
What a woeful world view would I hold then
There is no soul who can make me feel anything I do not wish to feel
I consent to all I feel
I may have mere seconds in which to make that choice
But always will I pray for greater conscious awareness to afford myself
Those few precious moments of realization to choose other than negativity and pain
It is impossible without practice and practice does bring improvement
Improvement is my goal as I am perfectly imperfect here incarnate
I vow to strive to choose wisely in all of my endeavors including my thoughts
Especially my thoughts, to face my wrongs and put them right
To challenge myself when I think I am victimized
Or when someone else is to blame for my misfortune
I wish to lead a Source-directed life focused on growth and true universal understanding
Walking in darkness is no longer acceptable to me
Therefore, I shall have to cultivate my own inner light
So that no matter where it is I might walk
I will always have sufficient light to see and to guide me
I believe in me and the light that always lets me see

(c) 2013 Jaie Hart (Photo, random internet find)

Casting Stones

In the Christian bible, a story is told of a woman accused of adultery.  The men brought her before Master Jesus and confirmed the teaching of Moses that the woman should be stoned for her sin.  I have taken only part of the excerpt in response to the story's portrayed inquiry of the men, to make a point.  You’re familiar with this one right?  Here it is, beautiful words we must truly strive to understand:  “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone…”  As the story goes, each of the men looked within and realized the truth that they were not without sin themselves and could, therefore, not cast a stone at the woman they accused just moments before.   Whether or not you embrace the religious teaching here, believe the bible was truly divinely inspired, whether Jesus existed or not, the teaching – on it’s face is perfect.  How is it that we can look at others and see wrong and give no thought to what within self is wrong?  Take it a step further, if we were more worried about righting our own internal wrongs in thought or in deed (because neither truly makes a difference, it is just one is inside of your head that no one can see and the other is outside in the world for all to see), we would be less willing to so quickly condemn our fellow man (or woman).  A wrong thought has the same weight on a soul as a wrong action.  So those who have taken very visibly “good” actions in the world and yet have “bad” thoughts, these poor souls will forever be trapped in conflict.  Trying to appear one way and yet the thoughts deviating...no wonder the producers of mind-altering substances are making so much money.  We are so conflicted by our own thoughts and actions that we can no longer really tell right from wrong action or thought and we just keep trudging through life desensitized to the truth that is burning right inside of us always.

Those who scream the loudest of injustice are typically the first who should rightly be suspect of either bad thought or action.  Those who scream the loudest tell more of themselves, their actions and their thoughts than they do decrying the wrongs of others.  You see, none of us is perfect here for starters.  We all have our wrong thoughts and wrong actions up through our time here to deal with and don’t get me started on past lives that can twist our souls in ways we do not understand.  It might sound like I’m painting a bleak picture of the state of our thoughtful affairs but I honestly don’t mean to. What I mean to paint is a realistic picture that is truthful and honest.  We all think bad thoughts sometimes and when we see others get caught, our delight in this happening is that it is not we who have been caught.  Another challenge is we are angry at the wrong we see in another truly because we are angry with ourselves for similar transgressions. But, the soul knows the truth of the matters always and the conflict is born even if it remains mostly unconscious.  So, what is the answer then?  Well, right your thoughts.  If your thoughts are not right or they are overly egotistical and somehow take pleasure in the pain of another, there is truly internal work to do.  Two wrongs never make a right.  One bad action is never truly justified by another for in the act of vengeance, we have wholly swallowed the pain of another and let it fester deep within our psyches without seeking to understand and free ourselves from long anxious and angry moments of plotting and scheming for revenge or taking pleasure when it so happens to come back to one who has hurt you.  There is no pleasure in any pain inflicted anywhere in this universe.  To take pleasure in pain is evil thought in action.  Rather than praying for vengeance, praying for salvation for hurtful souls to be healed and “sin” no more is a better use of energy that does not trap you in the negativity.

For many reasons, this topic is important to me. In order to free the true love and light within us, we must free ourselves from the prisons of guilt, shame, emotional conflict and pain.  There are positive ways to go about this and there are negative ways to go about this.  In truth, there is not really a right or a wrong way in the way I have used it in this post.  Realize that I am a very positive person and so anything negative is going to feel “wrong” to me.  Anything that is not of love and compassion is going to feel “evil” to me.  It is my perspective that stems from the basis in which I operate.  I am not above wrong thought or momentary thoughts of wanting someone to feel what I feel when hurt.  It used to be out of vengeance I thought such thoughts.  But feeling the pain I inflicted on another did teach me that to inflict pain for any reason is not right and does not within me create peace, love and harmony.  Only when I seek higher understanding of the truth of any situation before me can I step above the lower-level baser emotional thoughts and achieve that which I seek.  That, primarily is freedom from action in the absence of understanding in order that I no longer contribute to any pain in this world.  

So, I realize that at any time the heart within me seems very quick to judge or condemn someone else for an action I may likely have also already committed either in a past life or the present one in thought or in deed, it is I who is in need of coming to the light and being brought to justice in my own thoughts.  I cannot condemn another soul.  I am wholly unworthy of casting any stones.  This realization, while incredibly humbling has most definitely set me free.  I just felt like sharing my thoughts this morning on this topic.  I know it is a bit of a theme of late but I see it everywhere and so wish to show folks trapped in this theme, a way out that leaves them feeling more uplifted instead and with a more positive direction instead of a dark path of drowning in negative energy and and conflict. ~Blessings for humble self-understanding, compassion and love.

(c) 2013 Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)

Feeling Love and Feeling Pain

In my many observations of late, none is more troubling to me than our innate seeming need to look down on others, correct and criticize others.  I’m not speaking from a holier than thou space, trust me.  I’ve had my share of being mired in the ego’s muck.  But something happened somewhere along the way that made me start to see and feel things differently and well, maybe it was always there.  I think back to my childhood.  I was a very quiet and observant child.  I didn’t speak much and spent more time watching what was happening around me.  I remember when one child would cut another down, how I felt it inside.  I didn’t know I was an empath back then, I just knew that I felt it – the pain of another.  For one soul to cause another pain does not only hurt the intended recipient but those who were watching with some level of soul awareness too.  Those were very early years in school.  In fact, beyond the second or third grade I don’t remember feeling like that all that much.  Just every now and then.  I remember some of those mean and hateful words sometimes being turned on me for being taller and different than the other kids.   I felt I had to learn to fight back to defend myself.  As a child, not knowing any better, I dove in tit for tat.  Hurt me and I will hurt you, was my motive.   It wasn’t until a fight I got into with a little boy in the fifth or sixth grade that something really registered.  Not that it deterred me much but this fight with a beautiful blonde haired blue eyed boy struck me to my core.  He called me a name I don’t even remember and I had had enough that week and I unleashed a fury on him the likes of which I’m sure he did not even remotely anticipate.  In the span of a few seconds, this boy was on the ground begging me to stop.  I remember looking into his eyes and time froze for a second.  I felt his pain…pain that I was causing him, pain that he was already in before I even began.  The anger faded and I felt so bad for what I had done and it hurt me so deeply, I didn’t speak to anyone for nearly a week.  I begged God to forgive me and went on my merry way.   I never fought again at school even when taunted.  Whenever I was tempted, I would remember Jeff even if I had engaged and would stop.

As I look back, I can definitively say that I did not come here with a mean streak.  As a child, I remember feeling only love from within me and it was only ever cut off when I was in a state of fear or anger.  In my teenage years, that was the worst time of feeling bad and watching others make even more feel bad.  There seems to be this tug of war going on.  The best is the one who puts down the rest or is stronger as proven by force, most often.  I never liked it but learned to keep a low profile as much as I could but I think sometimes that a part of us remains stuck in the hurtful parts of our upbringing.  If we do not have discussion of occurrences, thoughts and feelings and some way to process the pain that we take on, we become what tormented us in so many ways and so, we go on tormenting as we have been tormented.  It’s a sad voluntary prison but with no other way to know or to do better, we are really stuck.  When these behaviors follow us into adulthood, we remain stuck.  We lose relationships, friends and jobs because of bad behavior that we have learned and until we can find a way to not only clearly see the wrongs in our own behaviors and truly feel the impact we have on those around us with a fair measure of courage and bravery to face it, we will go on perpetuating the problems of this world and worse, we’ll teach those traits unwittingly to our children.  Then we have a whole new generation to carry on our bad behavior.  I wish that every single soul on the planet had the ability not only to see the impact they have on those around them but to feel that impact deep within their hearts.  If only that were the case, I truly believe the world would be different.  Sadly, so many minds are so harmed by emotional pain that they can no longer feel their actions in a truthful way.  They have no way to see the truth and so just continue to act out their pain very much like children do.

We live in a world with people who have been harmed by life and they harm others in response.  Does that call for retribution or does it call for compassion?  I lean more towards compassion personally but at the same time, until these souls can heal and behave in a way that does not threaten society, they should be removed.  The more harm one causes to another, the more pain they take on in their souls whether or not it consciously registers as feeling bad within them.   In this post I have answers to solve the problem but not any solutions.  What I do have is a very big heart that wishes to impart understanding.   If we were to have that “aha-moment” where the next time we hurtfully criticized someone, we might withdraw our own energy from further engaging in such endeavors with the realization that truly, all those you hurt with your thoughts and your actions in the end will not suffer nearly as much as you will.  Your soul is always watching you with its own conscious awareness.  If you can find the doorways or passages ways to merge your waking consciousness with that consciousness, your behavior will change because you will know definitively the wrong from the right behavior for your own soul’s mission.  You may change how you look at the world.  It is so easy to look at people  and find some reason to cut them down or blame them for all that is really wrong right inside the core of you.  It is harder to stand in your own light, find your courage and face you and the horrible things in this world you have done to contribute to the pain of others than it is to just continue with bad behavior – at least seemingly.  When you can face yourself , your true self,  you will ultimately learn to forgive, change and go forward in life with a changed perspective.  We are all connected one to another and there is no pain that cannot be inflicted by one to another that is not felt by the aggressor and others beyond the receiver.  If you wish to challenge this theory, put more love and kindness out there and watch how life responds to you…notice how much better you will learn to feel in time.  We can become part of the problem by fighting back or we can become the solution by healing what’s wrong within us first before we begin casting stones.  Again – I’m not speaking from a holier than thou place.  I am learning this too and have been my whole entire life.  The difference for me now is I feel every single word whether justified or not if it is unkind or hurtful in any way.  Likewise, I also feel every single word that is loving, kind and supportive.  It is the latter that is most often reflected back to me these days.

I find that in this world today, the only thing I really have to offer it is love, compassion, understanding and self-respect.  I may as yet be wholly imperfect in these things but that will never stop me from focusing all my efforts at becoming better at it.  In all of my endeavors of late, I have placed a much greater focus on love, compassion and understanding and will continue to do so. That does not mean I will tolerate bad behaviors in others.  No.  I will understand their behavior and I will refuse to participate because I no longer wish to add to the pain they are already in.  I want to see the world change but my only job in this world is to change me, understand what needs fixing in me and withdraw my attention from an outward focus that is critical or judgmental from the ego’s standpoint.  I wish to create good in this world and leave behind me a wake of positive energy and experiences.  That is the goal anyway.  It only takes effort and awareness I am finding. ~Blessings of greater understanding and healing always and in all ways.

(c) 2013 Jaie Hart (photo, from facebook - can't remember which page - so sorry )