Saturday, June 19, 2010
How many times have you said this, “I’d be so happy if he’d just …or she’d just…or they’d stop…or they’d do…?” Do you realize such thoughts are seeking to control people and your environment? Do you know how much that actually sets up a high and unachievable expectation in your life? It does. Whenever your happiness depends on others, you’ve already set your expectations way too high. Why? Well, you cannot control other people and if your happiness is set up always on the premise that if other people do what you want and need them to do, you will often be hugely disappointed.
The place you really want to get to is that place where your happiness is firmly affixed in your own reigns…in your own hands. Other people cannot make you happy…only you make you happy and you do so by your thoughts. Conversely, other people cannot make you unhappy…only you make you unhappy and you do so by your thoughts. Your thoughts are so amazingly powerful and they can trigger a whole host of emotions that seem like they are out of control. But, they are not. Our emotions are not involuntary (okay, tiny exception here for empaths but even empaths eventually learn that they can shut down the emotional charges they are taking on from other people and ground themselves).
I’ve written and said this so many times, “The only power you have to control anything in this world is the power you hold to control your own thoughts and subsequent emotions.” I have succumbed to depression a time or too in my life. For me, I cannot subscribe to the thought that I am at the mercy of my body’s chemicals, that I am imbalanced and have no control over depression. I absolutely have control over my depression. Even if it is caused by my own hormones (yes it sucks sometimes in the forties when your body’s hormones try to take on a mind of their own) but you are not at the mercy of your body either. I’ve met some incredibly challenged individuals who should be suicidal with what life has seemingly strapped them with…but they aren’t. They are functioning and highly so because of one thing…their thoughts! No matter what happens, they keep hope alive…they use faith, positive thinking, helping others, sharing their experiences. These things give them so much joy and happiness that even when the hard things in life descend upon them, their pity parties are very short lived. And, know this, sometimes the pity party is necessary but it does not need to be a long protracted event unless you allow yourself to perpetuate those kinds of thoughts.
If you want to be empowered truly and also want to feel like a master of control in your own life—do this, forget about the outside world and other people for a moment and reign in your own thoughts. You create them. The do not descend upon you at random. You get to control them and control your reaction to them. So, focus on controlling your thoughts. Disconnect the assumptions you make in your own mind about what people should or shouldn’t do and focus on what you allow yourself to think. You are the master of your own mind. You think the thoughts inside your head. When the thoughts get too negative, shift to an observer position (Read Eckhart Tolle the Power of Now….great book that in one part really describes well, the observer position) and just notice the thoughts floating through your mind. In fact, that is a really great idea…take a moment and do nothing but notice your thoughts…notice that you can notice your thoughts…notice the frantic pace…notice the assumptions from factual thoughts…notice the emotion you tie to your thoughts—especially the assumptions. You are not your thoughts and you are not your emotions. You can pull out and observe at any time you want and with some practice a few times a week even, you can begin to notice thoughts before you react to them and you can cut off negative and controlling thoughts before you allow your emotions to line up with them.
It might sound hard but I tell you it isn’t. It just takes some practice and practice is worth your time if you can short-circuit the need to control or manipulate others for happiness. You hear all the time that all we ever need in life comes from within us. Form a spiritual perspective, we are always connected to the Source and that Source can fill you up when you’re low –you don’t need to pursue anything from the outside world to fill you up. This is true. When you feel the need to manipulate or control others for your own happiness—stop, it’s not right and it’s a little recognized form of addiction. Sadly, it’s a very self-destructive for of addiction emotionally speaking. So, do yourself, family and friends a favor—realize this – As I said, you are the master of your mind and thoughts…you are the master of your own happiness. You do not need others to make you happy and when you feel you do, that is life, the universe, the spirit or your higher purpose telling you that you need to spend some time on you and your thoughts and navigating through a greater path of happiness on your own.
Happiness is a choice you make. It’s not something you have or don’t. When you are in a happy space that you have achieved on your own without manipulating or controlling others to get it, you create this huge wave of positive energy around you. That positive energy around you will be like a huge unseen universal magnet that will draw to you more happy events, situation and people that will augment what is already there! It’s a really good feeling. It doesn’t mean you should avoid feeling bad because that happens too. Just monitor your thoughts when you’re feeling bad and I bet with some effort you can navigate your way back to neutral pretty quickly. It isn’t hard…it just takes intent and effort to get you there. Add to your arsenal of happy bringing weapons…things you love or like to do and then go do those things alone or with others who are game. So much of our existence and experience is based on our thoughts and our perspectives. Other people do not like to be controlled and it is rather insulting to be on the receiving end of someone trying to control you for their own happiness. Really – and being a part of that really creates some negative energy. So, control what you can—don’t attempt to control what you can’t and really strive to understand the difference. Many blessings to you—think happy thoughts!