Sunday, October 18, 2009
An Evening Post
I’m sitting here alone in the dark and cool of a late autumn evening. Music playing low but loud enough still to move my soul. I’m so contemplative this evening. I’m reaching so far outside of myself just now. I’ve been inside far too long, searching for answers and finding more questions. It’s okay, that’s just life and I love it, don’t misunderstand me. But these are hard core-level questions and the answers just aren’t easy to discern and I think I’ve come to the conclusion that some questions are not meant to be answered. Maybe it’s that some questions shouldn’t be asked and instead one should just move forward in a moment even if a direction is unclear or there is fog or sun, I don’t know. I hate the cross-roads. I always have. I don’t like the forceful pause that spins me into myself to recall lessons hard won but it’s a necessary part of learning and I must accept this if I desire to grow and I do, I really do. It’s time for a new journey and I don’t hesitate out of fear. My hesitation is lacking clarity for the direction that’s best. My mind is already made up so I’m not sure about my doubts. This is cryptic as hell and its meant to be. I can’t stand here completely exposed to the world and well maybe that’s it…standing up to exposure once again. The thought doesn’t really scare me it’s just I’ve been here before but this time I have no expectation and I don’t have any fear. I have curiosity. I have determination. I have intent and that intent is manifesting just so much quicker than I anticipated and I guess, well the speed with which a certain thought has manifested in my reality is a little frightening.
But everything happens for a reason and with such interesting twists and turns I find I just cannot bring myself to turn back. I have to forge ahead and see and learn and do and, well, love every stick and stone that crosses my path…sunlight, rain, fog, wind, cold and warmth. I don’t know where I’m going even though the path is clear, I think that’s it. It’s intriguing as hell so, off with me then. One foot in front of the other I go.