Sunday, September 20, 2009
Taking long walks through long lonely hallways in my own mind. It's been an incredibly enlightening journey...one I won't soon forget. What I found was an immeasurable well of strength, of love, of understanding. What I found was acceptance for things not as they could be but as they are. I found faults and foibles...gifts and magic. I found quiet stillness that was not frightening. I found the sun, the moon and the stars. I found life. I found meaning, understanding and even wisdom. I learned close is never close enough. Settling for less is not a sacrifice I can make long term...I learned that you should love with all of your heart or not at all...trust with all of your heart or not at all. Interesting journey...painful journey...rewarding journey...freedom at last.
...or so at the moment it seems. I have never been afraid of love but that's only because I have never been afraid of pain. Pain and love, love and pain...amazingly intertwined...that's the expectation one should have if engaging the heart. There is no finer reward. Having said that there are times I wonder just how many romantic starting overs I have left in me. I don't think I really have doubts that I won't stop until I find what I'm looking for and the thing is, I am looking for something. I've felt as though I've completed the part of love that I was looking for within and I'm always looking for that one person who can accept me for who I am as I accept others for who they are. That's called unconditional love. I've recently learned how to give it...what can destroy it...how to heal it...hehehe, it actually takes more love. Interesting.
Any how, those are my thoughts today. I'm not sure if they're good thoughts but they do feel good at the moment and feeling good is a welcome change of late. I appreciate it immensely, now...mocha time! Peace!