Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Tough Change in Three's
So, I'm noticing that when big changes come in my life, they come in three's. Lately, it's an ending, a move and my 9 year old wanting to go live with her dad. That is an unexpected change. But, as much as change can hurt and pull on your heart strings, sometimes there is a really good reason for big changes that seemingly land on your doorstep. You can judge them as "bad" or be a victim if you want to but the best bet is to keep an open mind, reserve judgment and let the changes unfold.
For me, the ending was incredibly difficult. I still love the guy and a part of me always will but to me, it seemed like there was no option. Love, in a relationship, is never enough and you must take care of that love, take whatever steps necessary to maintain that deep emotional connection or you'll lose it. I felt like I was loosing him so I just let go...again, not what I wanted. With my move, yes, it's a pain but the new place is so much better for us, really a welcome change. With my daughter, well, I've had her for half of her life so it's only fair her dad should have her for the other half. It's not like she's going very far away and it's hard for her because she misses him. Her dad is a great guy and a good friend. Things will be different and her younger sister will miss her terribly but she'll be here with us every other weekend so it's not like we won't see her.
Letting go of expectations can be a difficult thing but sometimes its necessary to manage emotional pain and stress. We create our feelings by our own thoughts and the things we judge as good or bad. What if things aren't good or bad but they just are what they are? We cannot function in a state of mourning all the time and if you find aspects of your life in drastic change, there could be a reason. For the last 5 years I have suffered the major changes continually. I had to detach from outcomes or commit myself to an insane asylum from emotional grief. An asylum just didn't sound like a fun time to me and I refuse to be a victim in my thoughts for more than a few minutes or maximum, a day...then my logical thoughts kick in and I find a way to either fight back if that seems right or to let go and go with the flow. Honestly, the later is the best from an energy and emotional level if you ask me.
Life is change...life is a series of opportunities to learn things you didn't know so I like to think of life's happenings as lessons designed to teach me things I hadn't yet learned. The 3 repeating lessons are a source of aggravation but I realized I finally got that particular lesson and it won't repeat. Some lessons are about finding your voice, speaking your piece, understanding how you created the lesson, forgiving yourself, loving yourself and then letting go, test passed.
I've been sidelined for a couple of days feeling overwhelmed but when I woke up this morning, I felt free, less heavy by far and more optimistic about the future. I hold now positive thoughts for positive outcomes for all involved in every lesson I have faced and it will be just as I hold the thoughts. Now it's up to me to double check my desires, ensure they come from a whole and healed place and then keep holding those desires so I can manifest them into my reality very soon.
I trust that all will be well. I trust my ability to see situations clearly and honestly. I trust in what I've worked for and what I believe in. I will have what I want and need because I believe I will and soon at that!
Trust yourself, establish solid hopes, dreams and desires and then relax while they come to fruition. Peace.