Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Take one tablet twice daily for relaxation is what the bottle said. Too bad it doesn’t work on the mind. I learned something new last night and the way it came about was interesting so I thought I would share it. Growing up with two alcoholic parents left me with a bag full of co-dependent tendencies that has wreaked havoc on my romantic life for most of my adult life. Some of the traits I identified and worked hard to heal, problem solved and now mostly better. It’s about identifying your natural tendencies and the struggling for awareness and making attempts to curb those natural tendencies when they get triggered that is the key to healing. Eventually, you learn a new way to respond and react and you see some improvement.
One of my lingering traits, I just learned, is attracting folks at an energy level that represent for me a feeling of comfort. Comfort because it is familiar. I’m not talking about attracting alcoholics and drug addicts or dishonest people, I’m talking about people who do to their own issues have become emotionally unavailable. I’m still attracting those but not at a conscious level. I learned last night that we can often attract these people from a pure energy level. I didn’t know that. I was particularly troubled last night thinking about a place I find myself in with a friend who is a wonderful person that I care for very much. But this friend is admittedly emotionally unavailable. I have been so sad about this for a while but because this person is a very kind and good person on the inside, I stick around and wrestle with these feelings like something isn’t quite right and I just can’t seem to put my finger on exactly what the something not quite right is. So, last night I pulled up yahoo without thinking much about it. In the search window, also not thinking much about it, I typed 3 words that popped into my head, “emotionally unavailable people.” The internet angels were at work for sure last night because what I found was an answer to my prayers sort of. I can’t change the situation with my friend but I can understand what it is all about for me. I can understand what I have to do with it and one of the first couple of websites in the resulting search gave me just the right information that I needed to hear.
It seems that people with co-dependent tendencies gravitate energetically to emotionally unavailable people. We actually attract them from an energy level because we are so comfortable with that energy, have so much experience with that energy and it gives us a strange sense of home even though feeling that raises other conflicts for us. As I read the words, epiphany after epiphany dawned and the sadness drained away from my consciousness as I read each word. So, now, I understand why my friend and I had to meet. There was a lesson to learn for me, an important realization. I need to learn to work on my energy so that I no longer attract emotionally unavailable people to me and that I instead begin to draw to me people that are open and loving because that is who I am today. I’ve overcome my mile high walls and I’m no longer one of those emotionally unavailable people. I’m proud to say I’ve made some great strides in that area.
It’s so amazing when understanding dawns on an emotional and confused mind. It lifts the weight of the issue off of your shoulders and place reality squarely in your vision. So, my friend is still a wonderful human being and I’ll always love this person for the many gifts this person has given to me. They are abundant but none so wonderful as the gift given unawares in the form of an important life lesson for me. Energetically, I know how to clear the energy around me because I was drawn to Reiki Master Training some time ago and it dawned on me instantly that this would be a wonderful way to clear my energy of old patterns that truly no longer serve me. The obsessive grip the thoughts held on me yesterday for this situation have left me and today I feel light, giddy and free. I’m not trapped by my past in this at all and my old tactics of continuing the fight to get attention (win the energy) from this emotionally unavailable person no longer consumes me. I still care about this person a great deal because beyond the behind the scenes energy lessons this person is a really good soul and has lessons to learn as well. If this individual was interested in letting go of emotional unavailability I, for one, know how to do that because I did it. I used to lock my heart away never letting anyone in. I don’t do that anymore. I let people in for good or ill and struggle to learn the intended lessons and most of the time I’m successful.
So, now what? How do I deal with this individual in my life that I care for a great deal but who cannot care for me in the same way? I’m not really sure but my focus need not be outward there. The key to this, as always, lies within readjusting my energy level, focusing intently on energetic healing for me and loosening that feeling of home and comfort is important. I left home for a good reason. I left home to find the love I could never get there. I learned along the way that I had to learn to love myself. I had to learn to love myself enough to no longer be affected by people incapable of loving me the way that I needed them too. I so get that today and I most certainly do love myself to disengage that line or tactic my heart was taking to try ever harder to get this individual to love me. I don’t need this person’s love. What I need most right now is my own self-love and care. All the answers we ever really need truly come from within. It’s a hard paradigm shift to manage unless you learn how to do it but once you do you quickly learn its as simple as flicking a light switch on.
Oh my friends I cannot tell you the sheer joy I feel inside for getting the theme of this lesson. It’s been such a hard one for me to deal with. It’s been emotionally draining and now today, I find it emotionally empowering. First things first, I have to be who I am, a loving, kind and caring human being. I cannot cut off my emotions…I have to let them loose, let them out in the open regardless of what the outcome is. I won’t be hurt. I can only be hurt emotionally if I hurt myself here. I’m going to talk with a trusted advisor about what my next steps should be. I know I can intuit them and will but having someone wise in the ways of spirituality does help one sort things out. My message today is about hope restored, lessons realized and preparing for the growth to come as a result.
In your life, if you want to know what lessons are around you, think about the loved ones and people you have drawn to you. You draw them to you to reflect back to you those things you need to work on in order to ensure your happiness and growth. Look at your personal relationships or lack thereof. You don’t have what you want because you are blocking energy or your energy is convoluted. A simple way to clear the pure energy aspect is with a little visual meditation I’ll share with you. Sit comfortably in a chair or lie down. Breathe in deep cleansing breaths imagining each in-breath bringing you relaxation and peace and each out-breath releasing tension, anxiety and pain. See a giant glass pitcher of white sparkling liquid light above your head. See the pitcher pouring the liquid light just above your head and the light entering your crown and slowly filling your body with healing energy and light. As the white sparkling liquid light flows down through your body, see negative energy and pain leaving your body through the soles of your feet dripping down into the earth where it will be transformed and neutralized. Now extend the white light about 10 feet outside your body and just breath in the glowing particles, feel the lightness of the energy. Now call on the Archangel’s Michael and Raphael to assist you by bringing you the violet flame for clearing all traces of negative energy, imagine the two archangels bringing a wand of violet flame and each part coming together just above your head forming a spiral of violet light. See this spinning violet spiral coming in through the top of your head touching every inch of your energy body and clearing away all residue and debris of pain you suffered the whole of your life. Sit with that visual and breathe in the violet light. Imagine now that you are filled with violet light and see that expanding ten feet outside of your body protecting you. Just sit with that for a few moments breathing in and out slowly and purposefully. When you are ready open your eyes, know that you are energetically balanced and ready to face your world. Thank the Archangels for their assistance and know that you can call on them again at any time to help bring you more healing.
That’s it. A simple visual exercise that has a really great impact. I hope you have a peaceful and healthy day. Love and light to you all!