Are you Conflict Avoidant? Read On...

Wow what a week has it been.  I’ve had one conflict after another arise and I’m reminded of the Whack-a-Mole game.  I realized that as soon as I whacked one away, another cropped up.  After a while I began to lose patience with all that whacking away of conflict.  I decided to step back from it and get some perspective, a much higher perspective.  What I saw in a moment in the sun, listening to Deval Premal chanting was that each conflict that presented itself was actually an opportunity to learn.  I took a deep breath and just soaked in the light of the sun.  I calmed my frazzled nerves and went back to my day with a new perspective.  I can choose to be conflict avoidant and irritated when it shows up on my path or I can observe it and consider precisely why it showed up on my path.

Now, with this perspective, I can see with much greater clarity that conflict is actually a wonderful opportunity to learn something.  Whether the conflict is generated by people, situations or things, there is something to be learned.  So, learn I did and I’m so very grateful.  With people conflict arises primarily from assumption.  When each side makes an assumption from a perception filtered through their own environmental psychology and considers that assumption to be truth without even attempting to fact-check, conflict will arise.  Now, if each side is willing to tackle the conflict head on, open their minds and hearts to the fact that their perceptions and assumptions may not be the truth, each may have an opportunity to grow closer in understanding and even embrace compassion for the formerly held perception or assumption.  Is that not amazing?  It certainly is to me.

Oh if we only came with instruction books!  Sadly, we do not and we do not for good reason.  Are you curious about that reason?  It’s simple.  You are infinitely amazing just exactly as you are and whether you know it or not, you love the experience of living and through that living, you learn.  If you had a book that gave you all the answers, you’d be bored because you are just too smart for a simple class in the Earth School.

So, the next time you encounter conflict, observe the little “c” consciousness or ego’s need to engage.  Try if you can not to judge anything about what is happening but just observe and see if you can feel your way to the truth beyond assumption and perception.  You can then ask questions, validate facts and then move forward in full awareness.  It’s really quite amazing when you can train yourself to respond in this way in control of your faculties rather than being controlled by your little “c” consciousness.  Just some more food for thought beautiful souls.  Have a great day.

And if you need a little calm inspiration, have a listen to this great work from Deva Premal:

 

The Tree of Solitude

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It came in a vision

On a cold rainy day

A solitary tree

On a solitary hill

And above it

A blanket full of stars

I worked and worked

To pull it out of my head

With clumsy untrained fingers

And when finished

It moved me

But I didn’t know why

Many moons later in a meditation it came

The word "Solitude"

And it meant something

Something I didn’t understand

In another meditation and the vision became more clear

I was walking alone in a beautiful landscape

Ahead of me was the tree only now it was daylight

The sun shone behind it glorious white

Every branch etched in beauty unimaginable

I crested the hill and touched its smooth branches

And it filled me with that one thing I’ve been looking for

Solitude

And then they came

Friends from all time

Smiling they said, “You finally found it – the Tree of Solitude.”

With hugs and smiles they congratulated me for my journey

They sat with me under the tree and no one spoke a word

A thought reached out to me through the silence

“Dear one, even in Solitude we are with you.  You are never alone.”

In a moment, with tears streaming down my face

I again tasted the sweetest essence of pure love.

 

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© 2015 Jaie Hart (photo/painting:  Jaie Hart)

The Warrior's Sword

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With all of my other projects in life of late, it seems I’ve neglected this blog a bit.  Well, it has been for good reason.  You see, I’ve been very busy learning some very wonderful things about life and as I learn, I suppose I like to have a little time to test my learning before I begin writing.

Lately I’ve taken up Kundalini Yoga Certification training.  For whatever reason, it called to me.  I’ve learned in life that whenever I receive those very subtle, quiet and internal urgings and I pay attention to them, they almost always turn into something beautiful.  I was prepared for the mental agility required for Kundalini Yoga and I knew that the physical aspects would be a challenge for this body that has spent by far too much time working at a computer screen for long hours.

Something that I have learned in my studying and working with my wonderful teacher is that sometimes the Malware (e.g., the environmental psychology that seeps into our conscious operating system unbeknownst to us) is so deeply entrenched that no amount of psychotherapy or counseling will bring to the light of day those things we most wish to work on.  Sometimes it takes the intent to go at something differently, almost indirectly in order to make the greatest progress.  Kundalini Yoga seems to work that way for me.

Since I began, I have uncovered bits and bytes of malware trapped not just within my psyche but deeply entrenched within the cellular aspects of  my being.  When my teacher first mentioned this concept to me, I wasn’t sure about the validity of the concept.  I question her no more.  She is amazingly spot on as always and I thank the stars above for that little inkling of an urge that lead me to the door of her Yoga Studio.  In the short time I’ve been involved in training, I have uncovered some rather surprising issues deep within the core of my being that I never knew even existed.

I write about these topics continually so I shouldn’t have been so surprised to find something buried but when one particular core level matter surfaced and the pain of it hit, my training allowed me to do something I’ve never before been able to do.  That is, give my self total and complete permission to feel in the absence of all judgment, be kind, understanding and compassionate with myself as I deal with a very sensitive issue that arises from the inner child in me. 

We all have these matters and I guess the moral to my long story here is that it is vitally important that you give yourselves permission right here and right now to feel what you feel and to know that what you feel is okay and also to love yourself with all that you have while you are in the process of feeling.  It seems so simple but we are not taught this.  Another theme I write about is all of the things we are not taught.  I’ve become adept at many things in my time on Earth and if I may say, I am proud of myself for those things but I have become both humbled and very proud of my ability fail, to be frail, to be vulnerable completely to whatever it is that decides to rise from within me. 

In times of old I’d have run screaming from emotion.  Taking the warrior’s tough stance in mastering self and anything else that comes before us is admirable.  But and this is a really BIG but, there is nothing that takes more strength, more stamina, more skill, and more will power than to face a forgotten wound and allow it to come to the light of day for much needed acknowledgement, understanding, compassion and learning.  We must learn to just be with it knowing that no matter what we will be okay.

This, my training and learning of late has brought me.  What a precious gift.  I’ve laid down my sword many times over the years and picked it right back up to protect the wounds inside.  No more.  The sword no longer exists.  I’ve decided to bury it for good.  Instead I stand for self love, self compassion and self-kindness.  I also stand for showing these very same things to all of humanity as I continue to learn and grow.  I also wish to continue to share these learnings in the hopes it may help give another the courage to stand up and just be beautifully perfect, wounds and all in the light of the sun. 

Having said all of the above, this does not in any way mean that I will not put up appropriate boundaries in front of those who would harbor ill-respect, lacking integrity or honor.  I need not deal with such nonsense as I turn within and focus on dealing with my own shadows.  Let others fend for themselves or ask for help but I will not tolerate what does not serve me.  I guess that part of my warrior spirit will always live but it now lives to serve in a new way – a good way.

May your God or Goddess comfort you, hold you and bless you now and for all time.  Yours, Deva Kirtan Kaur (aka Jaie Hart).

Call for Topics

What are you most curious about in terms of contemplating consciousness, spirituality or everyday human interactions?  Send me an email at jaiehart@gmail.com and I'll post your question (confidentially) and respond.

Blessings and have a great week.

Jaie Hart

A Time of Pure Flow

I’ve been at a loss for words much lately.  I’ve kept mostly to myself except for my daily interactions, going about my normal responsibilities and contemplating all I’ve taken in.  So many thoughts have I had that I cannot even begin to pull them apart just now to write them down to share them.  There will be times like these in our lives.  I call them  Times of Pure Flow or “Flow Times” and these are the times that we are wrapping up so much learning and there are so many connections being made with the little neurons within our brains from all of our experience that it’s almost too much to sort out the specifics of our experiences.

As I think about life lived in general, some words that come to mind are exasperating, frustrating, crazy-making, flustering, maddening, frightening, tiring, exciting, challenging, beautiful, magical, inspiring and more.  Whatever life lessons you have faced, I hope you’ve found something within you that remained so curious about what was before you that you met it head on with squared shoulders and a mind open and ready to learn.  Why?  Well, no matter what we face, if we can stand up straight, open our minds and well maybe our hearts too, square our shoulders and just get on with it, we might actually fare better than if we allowed fear or conflict avoidance get the best of us causing us to miss out on an important life lesson.  Although it seems like you can, you can't outrun a life lesson.  It would be like trying to outrun yourself.  How would you do that?

The collective of our experiences in life become the life lessons written in the book of our own souls.  What points do you most want indelibly etched within the time-space elements of your beautiful soul?  What do you want most to remember?  Is there anything you’d like to forget or that you maybe regret?  Maybe you missed the message or the most important point or aspect and might like to repeat the lesson again and will in another place with another face in time, who knows?  Our capacity for learning by living and experiencing our ever-unfolding consciousness is never-ending.  That is the beautiful thing about being human I suppose.

I think maybe for me the life lessons coalesced into knowledge sometime ago and I only just now realized what I’ve been learning and why.  What will I do with the information?  Well, take it to heart and keep it there for a while and then maybe share it when I can.  Such beautiful things have my experiences (even the harrowing ones) brought me that I am more than grateful. Is there a word for gratitude that is grateful to the nth degree?  Maybe we should make one up some time or if you know one, share it with me.  I’d have to say that even without the benefit of a specific word, that’s just how I’m feeling about now…infinitely grateful for experiences; frustrating ones, angry-making ones, painful ones, joyful ones, inspiring ones, enlightening ones and more.  “Every experience is like a box of chocolates,” a friend once said to me, "each one is intended to be savored."  I remember those words and consider all I have experienced.  I might not have agreed with the sentiment during a few lessons I learned but as I look back now, I see that I agree with the sentiment considering all of my life lessons collectively gathered neatly within my soul.  Every single one was actually for my benefit and not my detriment.  And So, It IS!

Life is fun like that.  Sometimes the most terrible things and terrible seeming people can end up being rendered that one thing that turned our lives on a dime into and toward a whole new and more rewarding direction.  Maybe we will learn just yet to be grateful for things not as they could be but as perfect as they already are even if we can’t yet see.  Blessings of joyful learning my friends.

 

© 2015 Jaie Hart (photo/words)

Do What You Love or Love What You Do

There must be something that you love to do among the things you really don’t love to do. Think about it for a moment. I think it is unrealistic to believe that you should only ever be engaged in the things that you love or you should be engaged not at all. That speaks to me of expectation and those only ever leave you flat in the end. So if you’re going to hold an expectation, why not level it out a little bit? I don’t mean to suggest settling for mediocrity. What I mean to suggest is that sometimes in life we will be called upon to do things we do not love to do and we will do those things out of a different kind of love or a need or for the purpose of a necessary obligation or responsibility.

If we do only those kinds of things, the things we do not love but must do, if we are not careful, pretty soon we’ll become a stressed out, burned out mess of a human being. Trust me, I know this song. One of the best things that you can do if you find yourself in this space of stress and frustration is to step back a moment and look at what you are doing and why you are doing it. Look very hard and find the tiniest sliver even of a reason that you are doing things because of love. If you are doing something at least in part out of love, true love, you can start to tear away at any stressful or frustrating feelings you may be having. Please understand that when I say love I’m going way beyond the limited definition most consider love in – such as the romantic realm where love seems to exist little if at all these days. I mean that love that transcends all because it is unconditional, alive and breathing and it always, always begins within you and there must be something or someone that evokes that in you.

If you haven’t found that kind of love in your life, well guess what? You just found your next life challenge. Should you decide to take up that challenge, you might find that beautiful unconditional love actually begins and ends with you. Spoilers! Sorry. Okay, no, I’m not sorry. We all need a little clue to guide us even if it sounds outlandish and unbelievable and well, in an article addressing a challenging topic such as this, a little help is really needed I think.

Another very important thing is to make sure you are taking care of yourself and are gentle with yourself every day and in every way. Respect yourself by making healthy choices in your life from your diet, to friends and associates and even jobs or hobbies and habits. Do some things that you love if you can’t love everything you do. That will help add some balance to your life and part of life is about balance in this world of polarities and dichotomies that we seem to learn best within. Just some food for thought beautiful dreamers. I hope that you make it a beautiful day.

© 2015 Jaie Hart Photo/Words