I’ve been unable to write for a little while. I’ve been focused on finishing some things
that I started. In the finishing, I
begin to understand what I have truly been trying to learn the whole time. I go back now to the moment of questioning.
In all of my questioning and states of misunderstanding. I realized the question
contains also the answer. This is not my concept but one spoken by many a great teacher. I just didn't understand it or how it works.
Life seems
full of one paradox after another. The
thing you rail against the most is the thing a part of you wishes to
embrace. In other thinking, the things
that revolt us in others are the very things that we judge as revolting within
us. The beauty and magic we see in this
world can be seen only because those things are within us; a part of us all. The acts of injustice we cry out the loudest
against are acts we too have committed unnoticed perhaps by anyone but our
quietest most inner selves in one form or another. Multiple disciplines can explain to you
why. We can argue semantics into
oblivion and it will not change the fact of truth beyond the limits of our
manufactured perceptions. Perception
itself is an illusion.
My focus of late has been disentangling myself from the
images that others held of me and what it is that I should be to them and for
them. Breaking free from the picture
others hold of you and the way you should be in the opinion of others deeply
internalized into unconscious belief is no easy thing. But, I'll tell you something...I love
it...the act of breaking free and then knowing that freedom always was and is
all there is. Feeling the truth may be
uncomfortable. So then shall discomfort
be the thing I endeavor to embrace always for therein lies my deepest of
dreams. Deconstructing self-manufactured
illusion in the absence of understanding is no simple matter. That is the only thing I know and nothing
more but I cannot help but observe the results and how the ego lurks at near
every turn to judge this or that as wrong or right; my own very quick to judge me in kind.
I imagined one of my most difficult challenges in all of my
existence within this frame very recently. All of the
things I thought it meant in reality turned out to be nothing but smoke and
mirrors. The message, in truth, was created
by me for me in an attempt to get me to wake up and see the divine order of
things. Source bless all great teachers
recognized and not for the part they played in this most difficult of
lessons. The thing of it is unimportant
but the Source of it is perfect as are all things if we could but see with a
clear heart and spirit. I’ve learned
that I know nothing about a good number of things and one might think this would be a painful thing
but as it turns out, there is a freedom in knowing there isn’t a thing you can
be certain of in the outside world. What
we see is merely a projection of what we expect there to be. But there is more, so much more.
The pain of shattering illusions is thin and
the pressure then builds to shatter some more until there is nothing left but a
tiny light in the darkness. And knowing
that tiny light and the darkness are one and the same as are we all-- one and
the same. We just don’t clearly
understand how and so fight in our separation, grieve it unconsciously and
deliberately until we drain ourselves of precious energy. Then we may be blessed with a feeling…a
feeling so true more than any other and that feeling is a powerful desire to
surrender. To surrender self to Self is
an amazing, frightening, exhilarating and terrifying thing all at once. You’d think it was painful the way we
fearfully fight it but it isn’t painful at all.
The process is so liberating, so freeing and when you can
find a way to wrestle joyously through the difficulty a subtle shift
occurs. It is so subtle you cannot pin
point it easily but then those things that have hidden the truth and blocked
the flow of pure love floods the mind, the heart, the spirit and soul. Again without understanding what’s happening
we revert to the familiar fears and controls that got us into the mess we've made of our lives and we
stop and start and then stop again. We
reset by questioning what happened and then again that beautiful feeling flows
in and says, “Shh, don’t be afraid, trust, go, you know what to do and so go
and just Be.”
Our questions tell us the answers. Our doubts can point to our truth. We each must find our way there in our own
time and know, we have lifetimes.
My most prevalent thought as I consider it all is, “Why wait?” But
take my thoughts with a grain of salt and instead consider your own on any
given subject. What is the subject? What drew your focus to it to create it? What did you want to get from it? What are you getting from it? Are you getting what you want or need? Are you satisfied, happy, mad or sad? Step back and get out of your head for a
moment. Shut down the mind and let the
heart find the way. It knows the way. Trust that.
Don’t “believe” it. Belief is
nothing. Knowing is everything.
I’m off to explore now free of the frame. Blessings of great love, tenderness and
strength for your journey beloved souls.
Just remember that everything matters and you are important. Not in a narcissistic way but in a spiritual
way as a blessed part of the Heart of this beautiful, infinite and amazing Whole.
© 2014 Jaie Hart (photo is not mine but a very fortunate internet find: www.mymodernmet.com)
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