What does one do when they don't know what to do but the feel they must do? I know the answer and my ego doesn't like it. My ego wants to control and establish a security that doesn't exist except within its construct only. Security is a funny thing. How secure can a tiny life form be on a giant round rock spinning on it's axis somewhere around a thousand miles per hour while traveling through space around a little star at over 33,000 miles per hour in a much larger galaxy that is also in motion? We are subject to anything and everything from biological, geologic and astronomical forces from a physical perspective. If that were not worrisome enough, we have our own tiny microcosmic psychological matters to deal with as sentient beings. I'm not writing this to scare or worry anyone really, just to point out a huge illusion that we all hold and the pointlessness of worry - even though I seem to have become a master of that particular negative activity at times. Thankfully I look at those very moments as opportunities to realize fear is somewhere in my midst and its time to focus not on what is big and scary in this world but the lies I tell myself that generate unnecessary fears.
I watched a program on the Discovery Channel yesterday about an experiment conducted using random number generators and how at times of different significant events in the world, the randomness of the generators was affected by the morphic fields surrounding this Earth's inhabitants. It made me realize how much I did not want to be an individual putting more negativity out there into the mix that everyone else must contend with. I'm a sensitive soul who feels energy. When tragedy occurs in the world, I feel it. When beautiful things occur in this world, I feel it. I realize at some level that I must be responsible, entirely, for what I put out there. So, I come back to my local worrisome meanderings and realize they stem from my own ego's need to control a change I feel coming that cannot be controlled. It's really ridiculous and humorous at the same time. So, I stop the anxious thoughts for a moment and breathe in the peace and cool of this most beautiful fall morning. We are always in a state of flux and change and no matter what happens, we go on whether physically and psychologically sound or, well, not. It is what it is and what we think determines our experience. I do not wish to have a negative experience in this life as that is not why I came here. I wish to learn to relax a little better a times in my own skin and realize that everything in my play happens for a reason, a reason I wanted or a reason I needed (whether I liked it or not).
So, I shift my thought process as I sit here typing away to a completely different paradigm. If I go over the facts of my own feelings that lie much deeper within at my core than mere random egotistical thoughts and ignorantly attached emotion. Deepest within my knowing, I implicitly trust me. I also know my own limits, strengths, challenges and opportunities. I think rather than superficially feeling uneasy about seemingly impending change I will rest more peacefully knowing that it's my play and I will cast it and direct it and set the scenes up in a way that ultimately supports me quite positively. I open myself trustingly to this change I feel is coming and the anxiety and uneasiness falls away. It's not an easy process to trust....trust self or trust others, let alone trust in a plan you cannot easily recall. Opportunity here in this place is endless. We can seek the wisdom of opportunity rather than dispair over the perception of challenge experienced negatively. It's all in our minds as is this entire experience of life anyway. We're so amazingly powerful but we forget just how much so.
I think I shall sit back and breathe for a bit, take comfort in the void of nothingness, relax into curiosity rather than trepidation and learn to be a bit more present. It's so hard sometimes but as I've often written, its worth the effort to work at it until you get it right, until you breathe in that one moment where you feel the energy within you rise in perfect harmony with all that is. Those are precious moments and infinitely more rewarding than entertaining continually the bouts of discomfort and fear. There is love to be had here and not the kind that can hold any definition of full and complete meaning in any dictionary or other book. Love is the expansive energy that holds so much of what we experience together. Trusting in that to bring about positive and necessary change in life is a beautiful experience. I'm off to some silent contemplation of nothing for a short time. I find comfort in the silence, peace in the stillness and love when I can silence the mind by letting the thoughts go one by one. ~Blessings for a peaceful journey beautiful dreamers. I pray you find your own spaces of curiosity over control, peace over worry and love over fear.
(c) 2013 Jaie Hart (photo copyright as noted on photo)