I’m not losing anything by stopping smoking. But, until I can completely eradicate the thoughts that I’m missing something or giving up something or attempting to bargain with myself to keep doing something that just may very well end my life prematurely, I’m stuck. But I’m not floundering. A friend sent me a great book called Easy Quit. I read it yesterday and will read it again today. The book makes sense and I’m starting to see things differently. Today, I definitely had no enjoyment at all in the cigarettes I smoked and clearly see that it was only nicotine addiction that drove me to it. I’ve got nicotine gum but that doesn’t really get to the source of the problem…oh, I’ll use it because at this point I will do anything. Friday is my new quit date…I will be successful this time and have no doubts about it. I will make it this time as my mind set is different. For the next two days I will spend time noticing how every time I smoke, I hate the taste, I hate how it burns my throat and I hate it when the nicotine kicks in…it’s not calming or relaxing at all.
Eventually, I’ll kick this addiction and that eventually is not a dragged out incident for a far off future date…it’s this week, it’s right now, it’s tomorrow and it’s Friday. I cannot fail to return to my natural state…I’m working on remembering how life was fine before I smoked and life will be fine when I quit. I remember how to function without them…I had forgotten. I’m going to spend the next two days remembering…remembering…remembering how to cope with stress, anger, frustration and sadness. I had those skills as a young teen when I started smoking…I will remember those skills when I give them a new try this week. Don’t wish me luck, help me celebrate freedom from my self-imposed prison! Peace.
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