A Forgiving Journey

Gray skies and glittering tides as far as the eye can see. I sit ocean side transfixed, listening to the waves crashing against the rocks and sandy shore, the gulls crying carelessly in flight and the breeze rustling sparse plant life. The air is cool and the rocky outcropping I rest upon is a little more than damp. But I don’t really mind just sitting here taking in a peaceful and yet powerful view…coffee in hand and thoughts running rampant through my caffeine charged mind. There’s a storm brewing in the distance. I can feel it in my bones as my mind and heart have achieved a heightened sense of awareness for some reason today. God, I love inspiration and have missed it these past many months!

Last night I stood outside in the grass for the longest time just basking in beautiful pale moonlight. I used to hate the winter and the rain. It seems I’ve grown quite comfortable of the long and cool winter nights and even deeply appreciative of gray skies and soothing rain. I’ve not known this much peace in a very long time. It was hard-won but so welcome. In between gently floating storm clouds I see twinkling stars and am filled with awe and wonder at life, at this world we live in and all of it’s inhabitants large and small…my consciousness expanded far beyond me a few moments until I felt like I disappeared into nothingness and everythingness all at once. It was a treasured peaceful moment, just like now.

I’ve grown weary of contemplation and introspection of events and people from the past I realized this morning. I finished those difficult parts of the journey when I never thought I could. I had grown accustomed to tears and gained an unwary affinity with drama and conflict unaware of my own hand in their unintended creation. However, as I sit here today, breathing in the salty air, considering the beauty, security and comfort of the present, I find I’m finally ready to let go of it all—who I was – the things I have done and all of those troubling fears I held tightly to me. Then words dawn on my consciousness…I don’t need to forgive anyone but me. It’s me at the heart and core of these memories. I forgive me and a weight is hugely lifted and I’m breathing slow and easy now.  Finally and so very completely free at long last.

Those pains and bits of residual anger are useless to me now. I’ve cast them out to sea it seems and she brought me peace and resolve for my efforts. This very same view I once watched often through angry and painful tears wishing for someone else to blame beside myself. But, well, that didn’t happen. All those hours spent watching teal blue water and dancing diamonds brought me silently back to myself and well one day, it happened…the last tear drop fell and I accepted it all. Life lessons, doors closing, a new found intense warmth from within. The silence of healing at first was overwhelming but only at first. The silence and stillness now such a great comfort to a new, renewed, forgiven and hopeful soul. I’m ready to journey yet again awake and even more alive than ever I have been before. I’m confident that I am, in fact, the master of my own blessed destiny. Life will always and ever be as good as I am willing to see it so. Searching for silver linings is neither folly nor foolish behavior. It is a saving grace. Or, well, at least it was mine.

My coffee is now cold as I realize its time to go. Many things to achieve this day – a new source of inspiration dawns upon my heart and soul and yet another beautiful and unknown and unanticipated door is beginning to open. I step forward with hope and a smile…fearless, courageous and confident this part of the journey will be even more rewarding than the past. I accept the challenge, acquiesce to universal wisdom and beautiful serenity as I place one foot purposefully and joyfully in front of the other. Off I go then.

Random Q and A with Jaie

Q.  How do you “not engage” with someone attempting to smear your good name?

A.  Well, for starters, people are entitled to their own opinions and it really isn’t your job to get out there and make sure people only think positive of you.  Next, it takes a lot and I mean a LOT of your energy playing tit for tat in name calling matches.  If you really think about how you feel when you’re doing it, you’ll really find it feels awful.  It’s bad enough someone else is immature and resorting to name calling and character assassination but adding to that by fighting back just reduces you to their level.  So, I’m not saying its easy not to engage but like my father always told me, “Sometimes you have to be the bigger man and walk away.”  Not to end it there…more food for thought, if someone else has resorted to name calling and smear campaigns on line, think about how much pain and misery they must really be in (despite appearances).  Do you really want to add to that?  Be careful with your answer.  You don’t need to add insult to injury.  If people need to believe in that drama, that’s their problem.  If you feel a statement is such that you must “clear your name,” address the facts and only the facts and don’t get emotionally involved in tearing apart the perpetrator.

Q. How can you hold a space of positive thinking when everyone around you is so negative and causing pain for you?

A.  The simple answer—Set Boundaries and hold them firmly.  Sometimes we can’t help having toxic people in our lives.  They can be family or friends and even co-workers.  But, people will only do to you what you allow them to do.  Set boundaries, tell them what you will and will not tolerate and if they refuse to respect your boundaries, either you need to leave or you need to ask them to leave.  I once had a  very toxic loved one in my home.  I was trying to help this family member because they asked.  However, when they got into my home, they decided they were going to manipulate and force me into taking care of them when they were capable at some level of making better choices and helping themselves.  In a short time, the sanctuary that was my home became a toxic miserable environment that affected all the other members of my family.  I spoke to this person and set clear boundaries.  This person trampled them.  So, I asked them to leave and not return until they could respect the boundaries set.  That was not easy and this person made it incredibly difficult but enabling their bad behavior was not an option, it was a high-price I was unable and mostly, unwilling to pay.

Q.  My boyfriend is always busy, never spends any time with me and despite continually discussing this with him, this never changes or only changes temporarily.  What do I do?

A.  Well, first of all, you need to let your boyfriend be who he is.  If he is unwilling to make more time for you, any guilt or manipulation you throw at him to force him to comply and love you on your terms isn’t really going to mean as much as if he did it on his own, right?  So, stop trying to change who he is and decide what it is that you really want to do that does not involve forcing him to change.  Can you accept him for who he is?  Can you find your own hobbies to engage in?  Is there a reason, that you have validated with him, that causes him to put everyone else first?  Are you just insecure in the relationship?  Maybe he’s not close enough to the type of man you really need.  So, forcing him to change to meet your ideal is wrong and won’t work.  You have decisions to make and discussions to have.  Be open, be honest and decide what is right for you even if that means letting go.  You see, we do not have the power to change other people and do not have the right to manipulate them.  However, we do have the right and the power to adjust and change the way we react and respond to situations.

Q.  My boyfriend drinks a lot.  I love him so much and can’t imagine not having him in my life but I cannot deal with the alcoholism.  He says horrible things whenever  he drinks and he must drink until drunk every time. What can I do?

A.  Well, what you do depends on how educated you are willing to become concerning alcoholism.  Rule number one, it’s not your job to make excuses for, fix or remedy any consequences for your boyfriend’s alcoholism.  If you are doing any of these things or other classic characteristics of a co-dependent (doing things to feel needed) you should stop, get yourself into Al-Anon and understand alcoholism.  Al-Anon has an online website where you can download pamphlets and order books.  I suggest you do get educated, that you stop any enabling behavior and that you realize, the alcoholism is not about you, it’s about your boyfriend.  You must set boundaries and be really clear about what you’re willing to deal with and what you aren’t willing to deal with and do not waiver.

Q.  I was up for a promotion and someone else got it.  I’m so angry that this other person got the job and I didn’t.  I feel horrible because I know I was qualified and more so than the other candidate.  I’m angry and I feel bad, what can I do?

A.  Realize first and foremost that it just wasn’t the right job for you.  It’s possible you didn’t interview well but making a mistake isn’t a huge problem.  Think over your interview, what might you  have said differently to demonstrate you matched the job?  Perhaps you can do some more homework prior to the next interview…practice interviewing with a friend.  Just don’t take the fact that someone else got the job as a personal rejection.  It’s not personal.  As the Desiderata poem reads, in essence, there will always be those with skills greater and lesser than you…that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you or that you are better than anyone else.  If you lack skills, get out there and attain those skills.  Don’t use a job rejection as a personal “you rejection” because that just means you are beating yourself up for being you and you deserve better than that.  The right job match will come along if you are open for it and willing to do the homework to get it.

Q.  I can’t ever seem to say no.  As a result, I end up doing things for everyone else with no time for me.  When I say no, I feel guilty and don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  What can I do?

A.  There is nothing wrong with helping out friends and family.  However, if it comes to a point where they are pushing more and more of their life loads onto you to carry, that isn’t right.  It’s not right of them to ask and its not right of you to step in and rescue them.  So, start rescuing yourself.  Start small.  Find a small insignificant thing to say no to.  You don’t have to give an excuse, just simply say, I’m sorry –I’m not going to be able to do that as I have other plans.  Leave it at that.   If you continually say yes because you feel good being needed and depended upon, work on finding something that makes you feel good that does not involve being needed by others.  Work on feeling good just existing with no outside influence.  Guilt is a useless emotion--don't give into those feelings for not doing things that others should do for themselves.

Q.  I’ve been single for a long time.  I just know I’m going to be single forever.  What can I do?  I’ve tried everything to meet someone else and nothing is happening.  I’m so discouraged.

A.  Within the question lies your answer.  With so much focus on what you lack and being alone coupled with feeling bad about it, you are emphasizing to the universe “alone” and attaching a strong emotion to it.  I suggest to you that you think more positive and attach to your positive thoughts happy emotion and more faith that the love of your life is, in fact, coming your way as soon as they take care of their own business.  At the same time, put yourself out there where you can meet people.  Join a club, go to parks, the beach, coffee shops and other places where people congregate.  Hold in your mind a positive view of the significant other you want…imagine her and her qualities and smile every time you think of that image…feel good about the possibility of joining hearts with someone truly wonderful and pick up a hobby or two in the mean-time.  You’ll be in a more positive frame diverting any chance for negative thoughts into something more creative.  What you think about and give emotional emphasis to, you most definitely attract.  So, make better use of your thoughts.

Each of the above Q and A’s above represents a perspective with an answer that involves only changing your point of view.  It’s not rocket science and only takes a small effort to change your perspective.  Everything depends on your motivation and how you look at your situation.  Also involved is your own inner fears and filters built from your own experience.  If the response you are getting to life is the same every time and you have become frustrated by that, stop doing the same things you’ve always done and start doing things differently.  Try a positive approach, get yourself educated and ready/willing to accept in life what it is you truly want.  See outcomes in terms of what you can control (namely - only you and your thoughts---be really clear about that) and put your energy and focus there.  You cannot control others and that’s really not your job anyway.  Your job is to find happiness and serenity or even love in a chaotic world.  You need to think positive if you want to really get there and you need to do things differently.  Take baby steps if you have to but take steps.  It’s worth it.  You’re worth it.  Many blessings to you!

Your Thoughts-- Your Choices. Make them good.

The world is a canvas on which I paint my hopes and dreams. Some days I use broad strokes of vivid color and others, short soft strokes with gentle pastels. It’s amazing how the colors of life become surreal in that one moment when you realize that life isn’t something that merely happens to you, it’s something that you are and everything else around you IS. Two people can take in the same view and yet their perceptions may agree on points and disagree on others. Why do you think that is? Perception is more than half of your experience here in the Earth school. Are you aware that you have the power to change your perception? Are you aware that you can create a new view by changing only your thoughts?

Start simple. Take a negative perception. What about what you are perceiving is negative? Take a scene where you come in half way and you see a man shouting at a woman and her looking fearful. You do not know the moments that came before and only believe you know the moments to come after. You think you see this scene in a certain way. But, what if in the moments before you came onto the scene, the woman had been beating the man with a frying pan or a stick, would your perception of the scene change? Maybe not a good example but you get the idea. You only perceive what your filters of experience lead you to believe you are seeing. This line of thinking is not intended to make you doubt yourself. This line of thinking is intended to make you ask yourself, “Am I seeing what is real or am I seeing only what I wish to see?” Do you understand how important that distinction is?

Let’s look at another example. Your spouse comes home and is snappish and unkind and it hurts your feelings because you do not understand the scenes that came before. You retaliate and yell back, try to hurt as you were hurt. But what if in the frames before the initial scene when your spouse came home snappish, he or she was witness to an unsettling event or discussion, had a bad day at work or is suddenly questioning his or her own existence? You cannot see what is going on inside of him or her unless you have become very astute at empathy or clairvoyance. So, when someone acts in pain and you add more pain, what do you have? Two negative energy patterns vibrating in the same space. What do you think that space is going to feel like? I do not intend to excuse snappish behavior but let’s be realistic, it happens to us multi-tasking humans more often than we’d like to admit. So, say a friend is snappish with you and you are comfortable in your relationship and with yourself and you’re are quite certain you’ve done nothing to deserve such behavior so you decide to perceive the situation as something that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the experience of the snappish family member, spouse or friend? You can be in a position of power, power to make healthy choices and power to ask yourself, “Am I seeing what is real or am I seeing only what I wish to see?” You might choose in such a situation not to react. In such a case you have a negative vibration and a positive vibration in the same space. Either side can choose to vibrate like the other at any time but negative vibrations are draining, not worth it and make the canvas that is your world, dull, gray, sharp and painful to view.

We choose so much of what we experience in the world by way of our thoughts. We don’t even realize that we choose our thoughts and when we let them run rampant unfettered in the negative, we become jaded, our vibrations become dense, low and negative in nature. When we allow ourselves to remain in a state of low, dense and negative vibration, what do you think the universe will bring us more of? You guessed it, more people and situations to help you maintain a lower, more dense and negative vibration. It is a choice and you must always focus on whether you are seeing with clarity and certainty or if your ego is filtering through negative, insecure and painful experience thus lowering your vibration. If you feel stuck in a negative or low vibration get out into nature, notice anything beautiful, notice anything peaceful and breathe in that moment. Call a positive friend and ask for some help to cheer you up if you want. You can read an uplifting book or watch something positive on TV (believe it or not, there are positive choices on TV). Just do something that makes you feel good, whatever that is.

Just some food for thought this morning. Get out there and paint your world in rainbows of color, vibrate at the highest frequency possible by smiling, holding compassion above contempt and retaliation and smiling just for the simple fact that you are alive. The universe will reward you with a sphere filled with higher vibrating situations and people to help lift you up and hold you up.
Man blessings, love and light!

Morning Contempations

I woke up gently this morning in the dark, went about my normal morning routine and stepped outside at 5:30 a.m.  It was beginning to grow light and the birds were singing so sweetly.  I love this time of year.  The grip of Winter’s slumber slowly begins to loosen, the days begin to grow longer and the flowers do begin to bloom (at least here in sunny Southern, California).  We have about one more month of Winter and Spring begins-- one of my favorite times of year.  Thinking too far ahead robs the now so I gently come back to the moment at hand…it’s cool out, stars still twinkling a bit, the aroma of fresh coffee brewing and silence in my home as everyone else is still quietly dreaming.  I treasure these moments.  I use them as a morning meditation.  My mind begins to move very quickly in the morning and I use these "outside appreciation sessions" as I call them, to recount all of those amazing things in life I’m really grateful for.

Gratitude is an amazingly powerful thing.  Without gratitude, you can’t really create anything good in your world and you do have the power to create good in your world.  I have seen positive thinking and gratitude manifest money, jobs, significant others, new cars, peace, healing and so much more.  So, as a first hand witness, I believe in maintaining a state of gratitude and continual silver lining searching!

Speaking of silver linings, so many are seeing the approach of St. Valentine’s Day tomorrow as a very negative thing—a reminder that they are alone without someone to love and hold on this day we celebrate love.  For those of you in this position, stop thinking negative, perceiving lack, and allowing thoughts of jealousy to ruin your day.  Whenever you decide you do not want to be alone, you will draw the right relationship to you.   For tomorrow, I challenge you to wake up with a smile, to acknowledge yourself as a loving and wonderful human being who has a right to be here and who deserves to have the perfect significant other in his or her life.  Believe that you will, imagine the traits that you want in the positive only, see yourself walking hand-in hand with that significant other and smiling.  Know that he or she will be right there just as soon as he or she finishes the work they must in order to begin a new life with you.  So, go out and buy yourself something wonderful for Valentine’s Day to celebrate your hope.  Buy yourselves a coffee mug with a heart on it to remind yourself of what you wish to draw to you, buy some flowers, some candy—something to remind you of what you are ready to receive and smile knowing you will have it and very soon.  Don’t become disheartened and don’t wait for someone to drop through your ceiling and land on your couch.  Get out there where he or she might be and do fun things, things that make you feel good, things that make you happy and you will draw the right someone to you.

I hope tomorrow is a pleasant and beautiful day for you.  I hope you are surrounded by the love of family and friends, and very special friends (if ya know what I mean) and if you aren't, don't worry, I will imagine you happily walking hand-in-hand with them very soon!  Make it a great day whether attached or not and think positive thoughts and be grateful!

Love Without Condition

 

Love does not seek to manipulate
Love does not seek to control
Love does not demand guilt
Love does not seek security through changing another

Love is patient
Love is kind
Love is freedom to be who you are
Love  accepts

Love does not demand love on it's own terms
Love does not extract vengeance
Love does not put down or harm
Love doesn't lie or judge

Love forgives
Love lets you live
Love even lets go in love
Love truly loves

Perception and Filters

This morning I’m thinking about life and how I view it. It was actually the above picture I took that reminded me. It’s a distorted view of a beautiful blue sky through drops of water that collected on the moon roof of my truck. As I caught it with my camera, I knew I had to write about the thought that occurred. So, I sum up the thought with: “We see the world not as it really is but as it appears to be based on our filters of experience that form our perception of what we see.” Think about that for a moment. It is an amazing truth. Why do you think no two people experience the same view or situation the exact same way? It’s because their perceptions are so intricately unique that they can only see the basics of the view the same but not the whole of the thing they perceive.

So, as often I do, I extrapolate this thought across to human relations and interactions. People do things or don’t do things concerning us and we see that not as they may really be but as we presume, assume and perceive them to be. Because of our own internal filters, we may take insult or injury where none was intended and then we react to that perceived slight, insult or injury with vengeance, silence or healthy discussion. The latter is often not even a consideration at all because we assume that everyone perceives the world and situations as we do. That is one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves and yet, we line our emotions up with that in a heartbeat every time we perceive any form of rejection or think we are being minimized by someone’s actions (or lack thereof). Oh goodness! We could save ourselves so much drama, pain and wasted energy if we’d only realize that every single person on the planet has different experiences that shape how they respond to the world. So, given the very valid fact that our perceptions are all uniquely different and our ability to correctly see what is really there beyond our perception is limited, there is no way any of us should ever judge another soul. Nor should we take a perceived slight, insult or injury as something to react to without validating with 100 percent certainty that what we perceive is fact and not fiction.

Have you heard or thought this about the actions of another? “I cannot believe he did that. I would never do such I thing. I would have been more considerate, kind, thoughtful, etc.” That statement is 100 percent validation that you are perceiving some ones’ actions through YOUR filters and may not be seeing reality. You are assuming that because someone doesn’t do something the way you would, the other person is insensitive, unkind and lacking compassion. Without validating with the other person, you would not know his perception of the scenario which is entirely likely to be completely different than how you perceived it.
The real answer when this problem presents itself is having a firm belief that there is nothing anyone could ever say or do that could ever take away from who you are. People who behave poorly are potentially just behaving poorly based on their own perceptions. You don’t have to react. If you really feel it’s necessary, make a statement not in judgment, which is passive but in feeling by owning what is happening (e.g., when you do this it seems like X, is that true?). Start a dialog with an intent to solve but not to win to restore your ego. Remember, nothing anyone does or says can ever take away from who you are. That means that no matter what someone says or does there is no need to take offense. People who hurt—hurt people. So, when someone is hurting someone else, chances are they are in pain and lashing out. Getting even only causes them more pain and any ego validation of participating in something like that will only create negative energy for you in the bigger scheme. Remember when mom or dad said, “Be the bigger person and just walk away?” That is great advice. You lose nothing by walking away if that is what you must do. You also lose nothing by not taking attempts to insult or hurt you personally. But, you gain immeasurably when you refuse to engage in emotional drama, when you can use compassion from the soul instead of pain from the ego, and when you can respond to someone proactively instead of defensively reacting.

You have to remember your filters. Your filters will always cause you to perceive things a certain way. That is just who you are. However, you also have a wealth of collective wisdom within your soul that will permit you to take a few seconds and consider words and actions before taking action in reaction to someone else. When you make good use of those few seconds and create a loving space for yourself to consider whether you are seeing things as they truly are instead of how you perceive them to be, you create more healing space around your own inner pain. This is important because it will allow you to heal your inner pain and slow down unhealthy reactions. I’ve put this one into practice. I read a great book once which will always be on my shelf. It’s by Byron Katie and it’s titled, “I Need Your Love. Is that True?” If you struggle with this topic as I do, as we all do, I strongly recommend reading this book. It’ll really go a long way to reinforce some positive ways to address this automatic assumption thing we all do and line emotions up with. The good news is that it can be healed and you can live differently despite your perceptions.

I hope you have a clear and real day! Many blessings and much healing!

Cloudy Day; No Cloudy Thoughts

I went to sleep last night to the cadence of a gentle rain falling steadily.  I was so very grateful to be tucked in safe and sound in my little sanctuary, called home.  Sleep was dreamless but I awoke feeling as if I hadn’t slept at all…outside the rain was still gently falling so I went back to sleep realizing it was Saturday and I had nowhere to be.  I woke up an hour later and the rain was still falling.  I love rainy days.  They give me an excuse to stay indoors and rest and after a busy hectic week, staying indoors, resting and relaxing is just what I need.  Over coffee, I jotted down all my “to-dos” on little note cards and filed them so I could give myself permission to rest.  All was well, peaceful and then the wind chimes outside…hauntingly beautiful tune playing in the breeze in between the sound of the rain drops.  Ahhhh, peace.

 Not wanting to be a hermit all day, I took a drive by the beach.  My favorite route was blocked for some reason but I would not be deterred today.  I found an alternate route and took it casually.  At long last, the ocean came into full and amazing view.  The storm had cleared a little bit and all I could see were glistening tides, undulating swells, diamonds dancing across the tops of the waves, gray skies interspersed with sparkling sunshine.  I pulled into the lot that runs right along Pacific Coast Highway just as someone else was pulling out.  They  even left me 12 minutes on the meter.  Perfect!  I grabbed my camera and keys, took one more sip of my Starbuck’s decaf grande mocha with whip and stepped out of my girly truck.  Instantly the breeze hit me and it was refreshing to say the least.  I walked from the parking lot, crossed the bike path and oh goodness what a beautiful view.  I stood there motionless for a good 5 minutes.  The ocean is so beautiful when it’s stormy.  I snapped a few pictures to remember this amazing view and then just stood there catching wispy shafts of glorious sunlight.  I closed my eyes and just listened to the powerful crashing of the waves on the shore, flapping wings, gull’s calling and people talking softly.  It was a powerful and healing moment standing there silent listening to a world of amazing sounds.  They were almost as amazing as the view.

When the world is spinning way too fast, it’s times like these I’m incredibly grateful to be who I am and where I am.  Nothing replenishes my spirit like a trip to the local coast to momentarily become lost in glorious scenery. 

 It’s so important to find ways to take mini time outs from your life to replenish your soul, refill your spirit and feel the beauty of nature.  It restores balance to your thoughts, to your physical being and definitely to your emotions.  If the coast doesn’t do it for you, find somewhere or something that does and make time for yourself to go and do and most importantly, enjoy.

 May you be blessed with peace, appreciation and rest this day.

Prioritizing Tasks and Obligations

Meandering thoughts have taken me through many aspects of life this morning and the way we humans live and react to what we are presented with.  I'm dealing with a heavy load of stress on several fronts.  Being the kind of person that I am, stress is toxic for me and it is not possible for me to shut down and walk away from the stressful things I've encountered.  So, I have no choice but to consider the true source of the stress.  I was so surprised to become very cognizant of the fact that my stress is not a result of external factors.  That is an illusion.  My stress is a result of my own resistance to what is going on and that resistance results from my own desire for perfection on certain fronts.

For me, I don't like to do anything half way.  But, when presented with a proverbial sea of deadlines that cannot be moved or delegated and with only so many hours in a day, you have no choice other than to get very efficient at prioritizing and allotting specified amounts of time to certain activities and then moving on to keep all things in motion to completion that must be kept in motion to completion.  However, you cannot be efficient nor can you be effective if you are reeling and overwhelmed by volumes of tasks.  Besides that, it just isn't healthy for anyone to feel stressed, be stressed or identified with stress because it changes your vibration and just brings you more of what you don't want.

So, the trick is to "accept" the volume and what you have to do.  Plan and organize your approach to tasks and follow your plan to a T.  Decide what is the most important and which of those important things demand the most of your time and care.  Also discern what really must be attacked in a given moment and consider where some tasks could use additional assistance and solicit that assistance.  If your volume is truly beyond your capacity, communication must occur with the receiver of the deliverables of your tasks (if a bill is going to be late, call...if a project is going to be delayed, get to the receiver of the end product and inform...if family chores cannot be completed, solicit familial assistance).

So, we can't solve all tasks at once.  You can only do one thing at a time so there is no sense in stressing about what you cannot get done.   That is a vibration that brings you more work.  You have to affirm yourself that you are capable and willing to get through what you must and you can do so in a relaxed and calm state of mind doing what you can do, not doing what you can't and soliciting assistance where that is necessary.  Setting our own expectations (or reducing them as the case may be) is the key to reducing our stress. 

The other night, after a stressful day I thought about my daughter's bedroom...it's a mess and I started to stress about that.  So, I asked myself, "In all the things that you must do and think about right now, where does worrying about that mess fall into the priority list?"  My immediate response was, "It is at the bottom of the list."  Then I stressed about upcoming bills that haven't yet been paid and I asked myself, "Of all the things you need to think about right now, is that really something you need to worry about?  In the priority list, where do those fall?"   My immediate response was, "I can tackle those this weekend."  Then, my thoughts were stressing me out about paying taxes and so I asked myself again, "Of all the things that you must think about right now, is that really at the top of the list or can you prioritize and get that done over the weekend?"  The answer was "yes" and I could put that thought down.  Now, to make sure I did not forget about all the things I thought about, I pulled out some 3x5 cards and wrote down the tasks (Thanks Ginger for this hot tip) and prioritized them in the order they must be tackled.  As soon as I did that, the stressful thoughts subsided and I was actually able to sleep.  I could put the stressful task-thoughts out of my head once I planned and prioritized them.  Later, I will pick up each card and carry out the tasks I identified and they will get done on time. :)

We all want to get the things done that we must.  However, it isn't necessary for us to think of those things all the time.  Create a plan for getting important things done and trust in your ability to respond to each thing or task you have prioritized as important.  Then, just jot them down and come back to them when you're ready to tackle them.  In the mean-time, there are some very important things you must do for you while taking on large volumes of tasks whether at home or work:

1.  What tasks are you doing that should be done by others?  (Delegate those tasks post haste).
2.  Are you eating healthy? (Eat healthy immediately to help alleviate potential stress on your body).
3.  Are you drinking too much? (Stop...again, to help alleviate potential stress on your body).
4.  Are you getting enough sleep? (If not, schedule 7-8 hours in every night).
5.  Are you getting any exercise? (If not, go take a 15 minute walk).
6.  Are you affirming yourself as a capable and successful individual? (If not, do it right now!)
7.  Are your thoughts in any way negative?  (YOU MUST CREATE MORE POSITIVE Thoughts so you can change your vibration and feel better immediately.  Don't tell yourself to "STOP thinking negative."  Instead tell yourself "REFOCUS ON THE POSITIVE").
8.  Are you making any time for inexpensive pleasurable things?  (If not, do that...draw, write, talk to friends, hug your family members, play with a pet, write a poem, read a book for a few minutes and give yourself this treat to help balance the "feel good" emotions...smile...smiling helps).
9.  Are you trying to be perfect?  (Stop, you are perfectly imperfect and it's okay to make mistakes and fail sometimes...that's how you learn).
10.  Are there mean, demanding and snappish people in your environment?  (If yes, know that their meanness, demanding and snappish behavior is NOT about you...so no matter what, do not take it personally.  Your value is not dictated by the judgment of other people.   THIS is a fact you should remember and you don't have to get defensive or fight back.  Just reset your thoughts on this.  Realize how miserable someone who is mean, demanding and snappish is.  Truly...that's a fact.

So, stress can be managed fairly easily but you have to make yourself willing to entertain those thoughts and believe them and feel good about you.  Reward and acknowledge yourself for the things you are getting done and keep a positive attitude.  If you need to vent, find a friend and do it but just don't over-identify with the stressful behavior and work your thoughts quickly back to silver linings to create positive thoughts.

So, I've got a very busy day today but I am going to laugh and smile and do my best to accomplish only that which must be accomplished.  At the end of the day, I will reward myself for a job well done.  I hope you have a great day!